From Muggle to Magical
by Andaxia Moonstar
Summary: The biography of Andaxia Moonstar - a member of the Order of the Phoenix who played a vital behind-the-scenes role during the time of Harry Potter and Voldemort (He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named)
1. 1

_This story is a work-in-progress; there are many sections that will be fleshed out in greater detail.  Please feel free to e-mail me if you notice any glaring errors in the timeline or within the canon.  I will be updating this story as I find the time to add detail to it, so check back regularly.  Enjoy!!_

**Excerpts from _From_ Muggle to Magical: My Life as a Tardiomagus__**

          Let me introduce myself - my name is Andaxia Moonstar, and I am a witch.  I know none of you have heard of me, but I feel it is time my story was told.

          You are familiar with the incredible story of Harry Potter and his confrontations with Voldemort, the Dark Wizard.  Like millions of fellow witches and wizards, Squibs, and Muggles, I am a fan of the wonderful telling of this story by the talented Muggle Joanne K. Rowling.  (Yes, I know her personally – I assisted her with the massive amount of research her project required).  What people don't know is my role in the story, which is true by the way.

          Why wasn't I mentioned in the book, you may ask.  Well, that was my doing.  I insisted all mentions of me be removed; I was still employed by the Ministry of Magic as a spy when the books were released, and no traces of my identity could be revealed.  Since I have rescinded my life as a spy, and just taken the position of Professor of Potions at Hogwarts, I feel I can now tell my part in history.

          For those of you reading this in the hopes of finding spoilers to how this story ends, you will be disappointed.  I am aware the final two books have yet to be published, and I do not desire to ruin the surprises for others.  Continue to savor Ms. Rowling's delectable novels – they will be worth the wait, I guarantee it.

          As the latter books are released, I will divulge more of my story as well, so stay tuned.

          May your Mandrakes remain quiet,

         Andaxia Moonstar

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_Dedicated to my family and friends, whether Muggle or Wizard_

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	2. 2

           One day in March 1993, a Muggle by the name of Alexi Cantata ventured into one of the many forests of Scotland.  Alexi had moved to Great Britain to take a position with an up-and-coming film production studio in London.  She decided to spend two weeks vacation in Scotland, researching the life of William Wallace and other historical figures, and to explore the Highlands.  Alexi was an imposing figure – standing 5 feet, 10 inches, her dark grey eyes were fierce.  Reddish-brown hair framed a stubborn chin and high cheekbones, cascading past her shoulders in a glossy sheen.

          Even though an American by birth, she had quickly adopted Britain as her home, working hard to develop the accent and mannerisms to better fit in.  Her family was very proud of her, and she talked to them often.  Her mother, Michelle Bickingham, lived alone with a clowder of cats, and Alexi knew it brightened her day to hear from her only child.  Her father, Michael Cantata, and stepmother, Iris, were at first resistant to her leaving the United States, but now completely supported her.  However, Alexi had never felt like she had completely fit in with "normal" people, and relished the opportunity to be somewhere else for awhile.

          While walking the Scottish countryside, where there were numerous ancient castles, she sensed something that didn't feel of this world – something that could be called magical.  At first she believed it to be a reaction to the majestic scenery around her, but it didn't dissipate.  That night, she called her parents to let them know she would be hiking for several days and not to worry if they could not reach her.  After packing enough rations for five days, she set out the next day into the nearby forest, where the feeling had been strongest.  She soon became lost, but didn't care; she was focused on finding the source of that strange feeling.  Several times she had the sense that danger lay ahead, or that she had forgotten something important, but somehow she knew these were just diversionary tactics and she strove ahead.  

          Five days into her journey, she came across a small cottage.  A squat spirited woman answered the door at her knock.  This woman was Wendu Noctfornal, and she was a hermit, having moved to the forest to learn from and commune with the magical creatures there.  Wendu was curious about her and seemed surprised to see her out in the forest on her own.  Over dinner, she questioned Alexi on her motivations concerning the forest.  Alexi didn't feel she could explain the sensations, so simply answered that it was something she needed to complete.  Wendu (who was actually a witch – and Hogwarts alum) tried to deter her from going into the forest, for she knew of the terrible and strange creatures that resided there.  But Alexi was determined.  As Alexi slept, Wendu did some scrying in her mirror – the things she learned surprised her.  With a smile, she retired to bed herself.  The next morning, Wendu gave her several more days' worth of food and wished her luck on her journey.    Unbeknownst to Alexi, she called on the friendly creatures of the forest to watch over her.  

          The next two days were uneventful, but Alexi started to sense something following her.  The forest had become more wild and ancient, and strange noises called in the night.  On the third day, as she was drinking from a small stream, she was suddenly overcome by terror.  Turning around, she saw numerous horrible monsters approaching her.  Running from them, she slipped and fell.  Dragging herself behind a large boulder, she noticed the creatures had disappeared.  Standing, she started to progress forward again when they reappeared.  Hunkering back behind the boulder, she noticed that everything was normal beneath a tree that had fallen over the stream.  She realized that this was just a screen – essentially a type of hologram or vision and the fallen tree had disrupted it.  As long as she stayed under the tree, she would see no creatures and feel no terror.  Laughing to herself, she waded back into the stream, crawled under the tree, and proceeded.  

          After two more days, the food was gone and she was becoming dejected.  Not believing she had allowed herself to get this deep into unfamiliar territory while running out of provisions, she decided to turn back in the morning after resting.  That night, as she wrote in her journal by the fire, she felt someone watching her again.  Rising, she called out, "Who's there?  I can hear you!"  With no response, she became disgruntled and yelled, "This isn't funny!  I am in no mood for games!  I'm hungry, tired, cranky . . ." her voice broke, ". . . lost . . . and terribly sad.  I cannot cope with this!"  Crying, she sat back down, tossing her journal aside as she stared into the fire.

          Her sleep that night was unrestful.  Strange dreams haunted her – an elderly man with a long white beard, a black-haired man with a sneer on his face, mysterious creatures, a bay horse running from a fire, and then a cold snake-like face with red eyes staring unblinkingly.  Disturbed, she awoke suddenly.  Lying beside her was a pile of fruits, nuts, and greenery.  Looking around, she noticed strange hoof-like prints in the ground around her.  Evidently her watcher was not dangerous, and she had the feeling he wanted her to continue with her quest.  Resigned, she packed up the food and continued.

          Several more days passed, until she had lost all track of time.  Every morning a fresh pile of food awaited her, added by a jug of water when the stream petered out to a mere trickle.  Eventually she heard things – laughs, strange whooshing noises, roars, chiming, banging.  Several hours later, she came to a great lake, behind which lay a giant ruin of a castle.  It appeared this castle could fall down at any point, but Alexi still heard the noises.  She believed this castle was magical, and the ruins were a screen meant to keep people like her out.  Not sure about how she knew this, she simply accepted it.  She settled on the bank of the river and concentrated on the noises, focusing her energies on bringing alive the visions that accompanied the sounds.  She concentrated all night, the entirety of the following day, and into morning of the third day, not sleeping, eating, or drinking.  At last she succeeded, and her mind and body overcame the Confundus Charms and other spells.  She saw the wondrous Hogwarts in all its glory, the giant squid swimming in the lake, and a path leading up to the courtyard.   

          Alexi smiled, watching the sunlight sparkle off the turrets and towers.  Then, the vision began to waver, returning to the image of the dilapidated ruin.  "Nooo!" she screamed, quickly standing.  With the last of her energy, she closed her eyes and directed all thought onto the glorious castle she had just seen.  Something snapped in her mind, knocking her to the ground.  Looking up, she saw Hogwarts in its glory again.  With a weak smile, she rose to her knees, and then collapsed, mentally and physically exhausted.  

          During her vigil, the centaurs of the forest, including Firenze and Bane, approached her and stood guard.  They had been the ones watching over her, responding to Wendu's call.  They believed they had foreseen her arrival in the stars, and anticipated that she was meant to discover the castle and that she would be elemental in the downfall of Voldemort.  When she collapsed, Ronan sent Firenze to find Hagrid.  They knew she was very weak and needed immediate assistance, but would not help until they knew she could defeat the spells by herself.

          The day was Saturday, and there was a Quidditch match.  The entire student body was there at the time, and the castle was pretty much deserted.  Firenze galloped to the edge of the Quidditch pitch and called to Hagrid, using special sounds known only to him.  Hagrid excused himself from the match (which wasn't too hard, as it was a Slytherin/Hufflepuff match and the Slytherins were very much ahead).  Meeting with Firenze, he was curious as to what would have brought him out of the Forest, especially during the day.  Firenze wouldn't say, but led him to where Alexi lay.  Hagrid was dumbfounded to see a young Muggle there, watched over by a herd of centaurs.  He started to question them, but was silenced by Ronan, who ordered him to take her immediately to the hospital wing.  He also left a cryptic directive with Hagrid, telling him to inform Dumbledore not to make any hasty decisions concerning the woman.  

          Completely confused, Hagrid picked her up and carried her to the hospital wing.  After she was secured in Madam Pomfrey's care, he went to Dumbledore.  Soon after, the headmaster arrived with Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Sprout.  They were very surprised that a common Muggle could have found her way to the castle and recognized their spells, much less defeat them.  Dumbledore wished her to remain with them.  Snape disagreed, believing they should perform a Memory Charm on her and return her to the Muggle world.  Dumbledore decided to give it some thought.  He discovered her journal and read it aloud to the faculty.  In it, she had described the sensations she had felt, her journey, her meeting with Wendu, the terror of the holographic creatures, and the gifts of food (she didn't know it was the centaurs).  Dumbledore believed she might be more than just another Muggle, especially after what she had already accomplished.  Flitwick was especially impressed at her having escaped the Hologram Charm, as it was fairly powerful, and had never failed before.  McGonagall thought it interesting that Wendu (whom she remembered – a Ravenclaw) had assisted her.  "She would not assist a Muggle in learning about our secrets unless she thought that Muggle might be of assistance, Headmaster."  When Dumbledore spoke to the centaurs, they gave him vague comments, but they were enough to cement his own beliefs.  ("Have you seen how Venus is in her apogee tonight?  Amazing, is it not?  Yes, we know about the human we stood watch over.  We know that she is not what she seems.  She will be a force for good.  Do not make a rash decision.  Yes, Venus is wondrous tonight," they said).  Ultimately, Dumbledore felt she came upon Hogwarts for a reason, and deemed she stayed.


	3. 3

After she recovered from her ordeal, Dumbledore asked her to stay at the castle and learn all she could.  She was elated, and the headmaster asked the instructors to teach her some of the things that didn't involve magical ability.  After sending her parents letters by owl post, Alexi began learning about magical creatures from Hagrid, magical plants and their uses from Sprout, and the history of magic from Binns and the librarian Madam Pince.  She also spent time in the hospital ward with Pomfrey learning about magical cures, explored arithmancy with Professor Vector, and even delved into Muggle Studies.  She toiled in all of these, and hungered to learn even more.  Of course she couldn't perform charms, spells, divination, defense against the dark arts, or transfiguration, but she did learn the theories behind them, and wished she could perform them.  

          She felt like an outsider, not only because she was a Muggle, but also because she was twenty-six years old – eight years older than the seventh-years.  At meals, she tended to eat off by herself, and was afraid of being made a fool among the other students.  She had, at this point, decided not to return to the company she left, and to remain at Hogwarts, where she could spend all of her time learning – a dream come true.  In exchange for all this – food, a place to sleep, and the opportunity to learn – she helped Hagrid, Filch, and the professors in their duties.   Even with the loneliness, she still felt more at home here than she ever did in the Muggle world.  Like the others, she celebrated when Ginny was rescued by Harry and the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets was destroyed, but she ached to truly fit in.

          Seeing her isolation, Nearly Headless Nick befriended her, and decided to find a special place in the castle that would be hers alone.  After much questioning of ghosts and paintings, he was approached by a very commanding lady of the late tenth century – Rowena Ravenclaw.  She had heard of his quest through the other portraits and had been watching Alexi for some time.  She felt a kinship to this girl; she couldn't explain it, but she felt she ought to assist.  

          "So you have become friends with the Muggle girl," she stated without prelude.  

          "Yes, your grace, but how did you know of this?"  He bowed grandly, one hand on his head to prevent it from flopping to the side.  "You have not been seen for some time."  He lamely added.

          She sniffed regally, her sapphire blue eyes sparkling.  "Just because I have not been seen does _not _mean I am oblivious to what is going on, Sir Nicholas."

          "I apologize, my lady."

          She smiled suddenly.  With a light voice, she said, "Oh, Sir Nicholas – how formal we have become!"  Her merry laugh filled the hallway.  He returned her smile.  "Now back to business, my friend.  I have a solution for you; I know of a secret place for your Muggle associate."

          "Great news, Alexi!"  Nick called out as he appeared through the wall of her room, where Alexi was studying.  "I have found you a place in this castle that no one else knows of!"

          She blinked, trying to figure out what he was talking about.  "A secret place in the castle for me?  Really?  What would make you do that?"

          "Well, I thought you might like to know something that few others do.  But if you're not interested . . ." he started to float away.

          "Stop!  Tell me!" she insisted.  Nick stopped with a big grin, and turned back around to face her.  "Where is this place?"

          Nick slid up beside her.  "Well, I'm not exactly allowed to show you; I am only allowed to tell you, and I can only do _that once.  I was forced to swear an oath, and as a gentleman, when I make a promise to a lady, I keep it."_

          Now Alexi was really intrigued.  "There's a lady involved too?  Wow, I feel popular all of a sudden!"  She stood to look Nick in the eye.  "So?" she prompted.  "Tell me where I may find this special place."

          "Yes, this room is actually the property of said lady.  It was she who told me of its whereabouts."  Nick scratched his head.  "Even I did not know of it until now, and I have been through every inch of this castle.  Oh, well," he shrugged.  "Are you prepared to listen; like I said, I can only give these directions once."  Alexi assured him she was, and listened carefully.

         He recited, "Go to the North Tower.  Take the central stair to the seventh landing.  At the landing, take the left hallway.  Follow the stair until it ends at a large room filled with paintings.  One corner of this room is devoted to landscapes; go to this area.  Find the painting that features a road running back to a clearing in the center, with a single tall tree on either side of the road.  Take one finger from each hand and place them on the bottom of the trunks.  Follow the trees up with your fingers until you reach their tips, and then angle your fingers downwards until they meet.  The trees will follow your movements until they form an arch.  Remove your fingers from the painting and wait for the arch to grow.  It will enlarge until it is big enough to walk through.  Go through the painting and you will find yourself in a winding narrow stairway filled with tapestries.  Follow the stair up until it ends in a cozy room with a large window.  That is your destination."  He wiped imaginary sweat off his brow with an exaggerated flourish, and bowed.  She laughed and then quickly put on her shoes.  "Where are you going?"  Nick asked.

          "To find my new room, of course!"  She grabbed her pack and left, very excited.  Nick watched her go, shook his head, murmured "Young people", and then glided out of her room to find the Fat Friar.

          She had no problems finding the place, making sure she wrote down the directions as she went.  The stairway was carved from marble, and fine tapestries lined the walls.  As she neared the top, the torches lit themselves, sending flickering light over the stone.  Alexi rounded the last bend and what she saw took her breath away.  At the top lay a single room, with a chair and table, fireplace, rugs, and an empty canvas in an ornate gold frame.  These were all of fine quality, but what really amazed her was the window.  Curving around the entire width of the room, it offered an unparalleled view of the grounds.  Stretching from east to west, the window included several benches on the stone sill.  She walked up to it, reaching out a hand, encountering crystal-clear glass that hummed with magic.  It was dusk, and she was enthralled with the sight; this window made her feel as if she were inside the sunset as the colors washed over and through her body.  The sight gave her great peace.  She realized that the position of the window would also allow the same effect to happen at sunrise.

          As night fell, she turned away from the window to scrutinize the rest of the room.  The table and chairs were made from fine wood gilded with gold and silver.  The fireplace, which had been empty when she had arrived, now had a blazing fire inside.  Alexi surmised that the room was guarded by a powerful magic; she had also noticed that for being a forgotten area, it was immaculate.  She walked closer to the canvas, which was completely black.  It also hummed with the same magic that emitted from the window glass.  The overall effect was of a cozy retreat.  She smiled – this was perfect.


	4. 4

A good student, she did very well in her lessons.  Although weak in some areas (like Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures), she always tried and worked hard.  She was especially good with history, theories, and anything that involved memorization.  This led her to become fascinated with potions, but Snape was resistant to having her in class.  She finally went to Dumbledore in September, who insisted Snape allow her, reminding him of her intense desire to learn and her ability to understand, even excel in, other subjects.  Snape relented, and Alexi became a quick study – she was a natural at memorizing and mixing potions.  However, Snape did everything he could to make her uncomfortable.  He constantly berated her Muggle status, and allowed the Slytherins to tease her as well.  Whenever she tried to volunteer an answer to a question he had asked, he simply ignored her.

          Several weeks went by, and Alexi used the secret room often, even bringing in several of her knickknacks to make it more "hers."  One night while she was studying advanced potions recipes (she had caught on to potion-making _very quickly), she was startled by a light commanding voice._

          "I notice you have been making good use of my room, friend of Sir Nicholas."

          Alexi shot upwards, surprised.  Glancing around for the source, she quickly found it in the black canvas, which was no longer black.  Instead, a beautiful lady stood there, dressed in a sapphire blue dress that matched her eyes.  Her entire being was filled with a powerful and commanding presence; this was a natural leader with many talents, and she knew how to use them all.

          "I am sorry, my lady – you frightened me."  Alexi bowed her head, showing respect.  "Nick – er, Sir Nicolas – told me you had given him permission to inform me of this location."

          "And so I did.  I have been watching you for some time, and frankly, I like you.  You remind me of when I was a young girl, always inquisitive, with a stubborn streak."  She smiled warmly.  Alexi looked up, and returned the grin.  

          "Yes, this is my special room.  I built it for my use, and for the use of those I deem worthy to know of its existence.  It is called Rowena's Refuge, after myself of course," she laughed merrily.

          Alexi searched her memory – the name Rowena seemed familiar.  "Are you Rowena Ravenclaw?" she asked, remembering.  "One of the founders of Hogwarts?" 

          "Very good.  Yes, I am indeed."  Again the light laugh.  "You are very clever – if I didn't already know my descendents, I would guess you to be one of my heirs.  Please, sit down," she directed.  Alexi sat awkwardly.

          "Tsk, tsk, we must work on that – not very graceful," Rowena critiqued.  "A lady must be smooth and deliberate in all her actions."  Alexi blushed.  "Now, to the reason for my visit with you.  Obviously, you have been making good use of my Refuge, with my blessings.  However, you do not know many of its secrets.  It is time that was changed."  Alexi sat up straight and listened.

          "First, there are six entrances to the Refuge, spaced throughout the castle.  The North Tower entrance is the simplest to find.  I will leave the location of the other entrances undisclosed for now, though I will give you hints for another entrance at the end of our meeting.  As you may have noticed, there is residual magic throughout the Refuge which controls the environmental settings, such as the fireplace and keeping the dust away, one of my favorite accomplishments."  She offered the smile again, and Andaxia echoed it.

          "This area is impervious to Tracing, Tracking, and Summoning Charms, Apparating and Disapparating, Portkeys, and even elf and phoenix magic.  Ghosts and poltergeists can not enter it, and I am the only portrait that can access my canvas.  There is a warning system available for your use that will alert you if someone or something does find their way in.  This custom spell is not fooled by Animagi, Metamorphmagi, or Invisibility Cloaks, and is activated by the phrase 'I am alone.'"  Rowena paused, looking Alexi over.  "That's another thing.  You might want to consider changing your passwords to phrases.  Everyone uses single words – too boring and too easy to guess.  Phrases are more exciting.  Moving on," she continued, "the Refuge was created to serve as my personal study and sanctuary.  Its location has remained secret for centuries, and it must remain so.  Please do not pass this information on to anyone, unless you can completely trust that person.  The purpose of the Refuge would be severely undermined if several people knew of it."  Alexi nodded in agreement – she had no intent of sharing this place with anyone else.  "The Refuge is considered to be rumor, even more so than the Chamber of Secrets had been.  Slytherin's area was known by others to be true; mine is not."  Rowena smirked at that, reveling in her cleverness at keeping her area concealed.

          "Now our conversation must come to an end.  I have business in the East Tower tonight."

          "Wait, please!  You had said you would give me some clues to another entrance at the end of your instruction," Alexi reminded her.

          Rowena's grin widened.  "So I did.  You do not let anything slip past you - that is good.  As promised, here are your clues."  Alexi grabbed quill and parchment and wrote.  "In the library, find the owl and raven with the serpent.  Rub the serpent's spine and you will locate the Junction.  Where the cloth dragon and unicorn are different from the stone, warm the white one's back and say the words that can be found on the painting of the vampire's bane."

          Alexi made a face.  "Ugh, a riddle."

          Rowena tried to look stern, but could not.  She grinned once more, "Let's see how clever you really are, my adopted one."  Before Alexi could comment again, Rowena was gone and Alexi was glaring at the black canvas.

          That weekend, Alexi made it a point to ponder Rowena's riddle.  "The cloth dragon and unicorn" she interpreted as a tapestry with these two magical creatures embroidered on it, and "the vampire's bane" was most likely garlic, though it could also be a cross, a stake, or a mirror.  That evening, while the students were at dinner, she headed to the library to find "the owl and raven with the serpent."  Hours passed with no luck, but she was determined, returning to the library every day during dinner.  After twelve days, her luck finally changed.   Between Rows 46 and 47, there was a large oil painting of a snowy owl and a black raven standing guard over a stack of books and scrolls.  In the center was a large book entitled "Secretes of the Sea Serpentes" with a large green snake entwined on the cover.  Remembering the riddle, she stroked the book's spine.  As she lifted her hand, the painting shook and rose, revealing a stone passageway.  Looking around to verify she was alone, she took a breath and darted through.

          The passageway led to a long stone hallway lined with doorways, tapestries, and paintings.  This was the Junction, a secret area of the castle filled with shortcuts and often used by Filch on his rounds  (Few others knew of this area – Dumbledore, the Heads of House, and Pomfrey used it, and the Marauders discovered it on their travels –thereby making it a favorite hangout of Fred and George).  Alexi remembered she was looking for a tapestry, and set out, scrutinizing each one.  Near the end of the hallway was a small cul-de-sac filled with twenty-four tapestries, each with a single dragon and unicorn.  A pair of stone sconces was mounted beside each tapestry, and as she approached, she noticed the sconces were also in the shapes of dragons and unicorns.  The riddle had said: "'Where the cloth dragon and unicorn are different from the stone';" what did that mean?  "Cloth and stone, cloth and stone, hmm," she pondered.  "The cloth must refer to the tapestry, so the stone refers to  . . ." She narrowed her eyes in thought.  "Aha!  The sconces!"  With a sharp eye, she scrutinized the walls.  Every sconce corresponded with the animal on its respective side of the tapestry – unicorn sconce paired with a woven unicorn, and dragon with dragon – save one.   The oddity had its dragon sconce paired with the tapestry unicorn, and unicorn sconce with tapestry dragon.  Alexi grinned; she was close to unraveling this entrance.

          Knowing she still needed the words to say to the unicorn (for that was the "white one"), she began looking for the "vampire's bane."  Back and forth down the long hallway she traipsed, searching for anything that could be the bane of a vampire.  Frustrated, she flung herself down on the stone floor, glaring at a small painting of a sunrise.  "Duh!"  She smacked herself in the forehead; the vampire's major bane was the sun!  Scrambling back up, she ran a finger over the canvas.  In the bottom corner was a small inscription: "Symbol of purity, I require refuge."  Quickly memorizing this line, she returned to the tapestries, only to discover the different one had disappeared.  Alexi started to panic, but realized that it had merely switched to a different tapestry in the group.  Deliberately approaching the tapestry, she placed her hand on the unicorn's back and muttered the phrase.  The tapestry shimmered with a blue magic, and became translucent.  She saw the familiar marble stairway through the cloth and heard the fire begin crackling as it lit itself.  Smiling in glee, she walked through the shimmer and onto her stair.  Glancing behind her, she noticed the same tapestry hanging on the stairway wall; this was her shortcut back to the Junction.  As she entered the Refuge, she noticed glowing blue words on the black canvas: "Congratulations, my clever one.  You are truly a Ravenclaw at heart."  Alexi didn't stop smiling for many hours that night.


	5. 5

          Four months later, Snape asked a very difficult question.  No one seemed to know the answer, except Alexi, who had already absorbed her textbooks and had subscribed to several journals and newsletters.  Snape decided to finally call on her, expecting to embarrass her.  She surprised him by giving the correct reply, and then turned the tables by asking of him if he knew of the updated way to make a certain potion.  This new method took less time and one less ingredient; she had learned of this through one of her newsletters.  Snape, outraged that a Muggle would know something in his field he did not _and make that public, angrily told her that if she ever spoke up again, she would be out of his classes for good.  He stormed back to his desk and began stabbing down comments on a parchment.  Alexi, hurt and angry, wished for his ink to fall over and ruin his work.  To her surprise, the inkbottle suddenly rotated and then fell over, the ink pouring sideways and down, completely soaking the parchment.  Shocked, she quickly returned to cutting her roots as Snape, in a fury, cleaned the mess up with his wand.  She glanced up long enough to see him staring at her, a mixed look of surprise, rage, and thoughtfulness._

          Hermione approached her that evening as Alexi was studying in the library.  She had enjoyed the way Alexi had embarrassed Snape and encouraged her to join her study group of third-year Gryffindors.  Alexi accepted, glad for the company.

          The weeks passed by, and Snape had resorted to completely ignoring her, acting as if she was not even there.  She had become silent as well, no longer trying to answer questions.  She showed up, wrote her notes, made the potion for the day, cleaned up, and then left.  Some of the other students, especially Ron Weasley, insisted she go to Dumbledore, but she refused.  She preferred to deal with this on her own.

          However, her friendship with Hermione, Ron, and Harry was about to backfire.  She discussed her family and her journey to Hogwarts with the group, and they were enthralled by her stories.  Unfortunately, Scabbers was present at many of those meetings, and when Pettigrew escaped Hogwarts, he took that knowledge with him.


	6. 6

          September arrived, and Alexi's new group of friends were now fourth-years.  She was elated to see them, especially Hermione, who was a kindred soul when it came to books and studying.  The first day of classes, though, her good mood was quickly turned to sorrow.  After breakfast, she received bad news from Dumbledore.  Voldemort had learned about her arrival at Hogwarts through Pettigrew, and as a way of punishing her for entering the magical realm and to remind the Good Forces he was all-powerful, he had an American Death Eater murder her family, who lived in Ohio.  Dumbledore notified her of this, and gave her the option of refraining from attending lessons.  However, for her safety, she must remain at Hogwarts.  Alexi chose to keep her normal schedule as a way of coping.  He would, of course, inform the faculty at lunch.  Her morning went normally, but she opted to eat lunch in her room.  At lunch, Dumbledore told the faculty; unfortunately (and unknown to the other instructors), Snape was called away early by one of the Slytherin prefects and did not hear the news.  

          In Potions, the Slytherins continued to berate her, choosing this day of all days to comment on her parentage.  Snape did nothing to stop them, and the harassment was torture for her.  Interrupting the lesson, she angrily stood in class and threw potion ingredients at the instigators, to the giggles of the Gryffindors in class.  Sneering, Snape coldly told her to remain after class and then took ten points away from Gryffindor for laughing.           

          Class finally ended and the other students filed out, Draco giving Alexi a smirk as he left.  Snape rounded on her, furious at her interruption and her disrespect towards his students.  At this she accused him of blatant discrimination and demanded to know why he hated her.  She told him his students should not have been treating her so, and that as one of the faculty, he should have stopped it.  Yelling through tears, she cried "Don't you know what those remarks do to me?  Can't you see the pain? Even after learning of his act, you still allow me to be insulted!  You must be the most insensitive, uncaring, cold-hearted person, in your world or the Muggle one! I hate you!"  Furious, he reminded her of his vow and told her she was no longer in his class, and that he never wanted to see her in the room again.  Alexi felt the surge of emotions she had felt weeks before, and then felt something new – raw power seeming to emanate from her insides.  It combined with the emotional surge until she felt it would split her in two.  

          Snape did not notice what was happening.  "You are beginning to irritate me, I told you to leave."

          Her lip quivered.  "Please, Professor, let me st . . ."

          "Damn it, get out!"

          At this, her eyes grew cold.  "Go to hell," she spit.  She suddenly wished that his desk would blow up, and stared intently at it, not expecting anything to happen.  As she focused, she felt the tendril of power burst from her, shooting towards the desk.  The resulting explosion was astounding.  Bottles and pots of ingredients smashed apart, their contents leaking and skittering on the floor; the flame in the lamp turned white as it disintegrated the glass and enflamed pieces of parchment; books slammed onto the floor, pages becoming torn and stained.  Snape whirled around to view the damage as Alexi stared in utter shock.  "What just . . .?"  she whispered.

          Snape spun back around to face her, furious.  "Get out!" he screamed, moving to strike her.  She stared at him, terrified, then turned and flew out of the room like a scared deer.

          He stopped his strike in mid-air, realizing what he was about to do.  He stared at the empty space where she had just stood.  A secondary explosion behind him knocked him out of his reverie.  Surveying the damage once again, his eyes narrowed as he pondered over what she had mentioned: what act had been done by whom and what had just occurred? 

          After fleeing the dungeons, she ran aimlessly through the castle, pushing past students on their way to their last class of the day, too shocked over what had happened to Snape's desk to pay attention to anything.  She was confused and very scared, although a little satisfied, too.  She didn't stop her flight until reaching the fifth floor landing, and only then to catch her breath.  

          "Oh no, what just happened?"  she panted.  "Wait, where shall I go?"  She looked around wildly; there was no one around except a sleeping fat friar in the large painting behind her.  "My room – no, they'll expect that."  She came to a decision.  "Rowena's Refuge!"  Glancing at the sleeping friar as she raced to the library, she didn't notice him open his eyes.

          She raced up the stairs, only stopping when she reached the window.  Gasping for breath, she dropped her pack and braced herself against the bench, trying to understand what had just occurred.  "What _was_ that?  What happened?  I don't understand," she mumbled, in shock.  "It can't be what I think it is – no, it just can't . . ." Her chin trembled as she wished for nothing else but to be comforted.  Like a little child, alone and afraid, she cried, "Mommy?"  Then it finally hit her; her parents, her entire family, was gone – she would never see or talk to them again.

          She began to sob, then pushed the emotion back down into the pit of her stomach.  Angry with herself for crying and feeling sorry for herself, she snatched her journal and tried to work on a potion recipe.  However, this simply made her more upset, as it reminded her that she had just been kicked out of the class by Snape.  This in turn reminded her of what had prompted the argument.  Rubbing her nose, she tried to work out her emotions logically, by writing down her feelings for rational study later.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she worked, remembering vacations, conversations, and hugs.  Finally, she was overwhelmed and broke down, weeping uncontrollably.  Lost in her grief, she cried herself to sleep.

          After Alexi didn't show at dinner, Dumbledore asked the faculty if any had seen her lately.  Flitwick said she was fine at Charms, but McGonagall said Alexi had not shown up to Transfiguration, which was odd since that was one of her favorite classes.  Attention turned to Snape, since they knew she had Potions in between.  "She was present, Headmaster," he said in a level tone, but Dumbledore sensed that there was more that Snape needed to say.  He excused himself from the table and motioned for Snape to follow.  

          They entered the small room off the Great Hall.  Dumbledore ordered out the few portraits lounging around, Violet looking very peeved at missing an opportunity for gossip.  "What happened, Severus?"  Snape told him about Alexi's burst of temper, his confrontation with her, and the mysterious explosion.  Dumbledore listened thoughtfully.  "Hmm, our guest seems to have a talent for bringing up new questions before we have answers for the old," he murmured.  

          "I am confused, Headmaster, about what prompted this outburst on her part.  She mentioned something about a "him" and "his act" and she seemed to think I should know all about it."  Snape wondered.

          Dumbledore looked at him sharply.  "Were you not at the meeting at lunch?  I distinctly remember seeing you there before we started."

          "I was called away by one of my students.  I had meant to learn what was discussed at dinner, but the circumstances pushed it to the back of my mind, sir," Snape said, shrugging.  

          Dumbledore sighed. "Oh, if only I had known you were not there at lunch – this could have been avoided."  He then told him how her family had been murdered.  Snape stood in place, speechless.  The pieces were beginning to fall into place.  Dumbledore finished, "It is imperative we find her; I hope she has not done anything drastic."

          Snape thought for a moment.  "Perhaps, Headmaster, I may redeem myself in looking for her."

          Dumbledore looked at Snape over the top of his half-moon glasses.  "That would be wise, Severus;" he said simply.  He watched Snape nod curtly and stride from the room.  "Alexi, what questions are you bringing to us now?" he thought.  Silently, he left the room and headed for his office, in search of some answers.

***************************************************************************************

          Snape began his investigation of Alexi's whereabouts with the paintings, for he knew they would have witnessed her escape from the dungeons.  Through them, he quickly learned of her direction of travel; the portraits had thought it strange to see her running pell-mell through the halls, and had already compared notes amongst themselves.  With their information, he approached the fifth floor landing, and drew even with the sleeping fat friar.  Tapping on the canvas, he ordered him to wake up.  Snorting, the friar blinked and slowly stretched, gazing out at a scowling Snape.

          "Well, hello, my fine fellow!" he said jovially.  "What can I do for you on such a fine evening?"

          Snape sneered at him.  "I have been told by the other portraits that a young woman by the name of Alexi stopped right in front of your canvas this afternoon.  I need to know where she went from here."

          "Ah yes, that girl!  Very pretty, isn't she?"  Snape remained quiet, still sneering.  The friar paid no attention, still cheerful.  "Yes, she paused for a moment.  I know where she may be, yes I do.  I have it memorized."  He tapped the side of his head, and then stood up.  "The name is Friar Thomas, and it is a pleasure to meet you!"

          Snape glared at him.  "So, where is she?"  he said impatiently.

          "I know where she is.  I heard her say it, right out there.  She thought I was asleep."  He chuckled merrily.  "Fooled her, I did!  I heard her; I can quote it.  I am good at memorizing things – very helpful in copying religious tomes."  He smiled, crooked ivory teeth showing through chapped lips.

          "Well?"  Snape said through gritted teeth.

          "Oh yes!"  Friar Thomas cleared his throat and recited what Alexi had said.  "Heehee, I heard her, and she thought I was asleep!"

          "Rowena's Refuge?"  Snape was confused.  He had never heard of this place.  Thomas shrugged, waved, and then waddled off, leaving Snape alone on the landing.  "Portraits," he spit.

          He asked several other paintings about the Refuge, but none of them had any ideas on where to find it.  Even the annoying Sir Cadogan, who prided himself on knowing every area of the castle, was speechless.  Frustrated, Snape was about to return to Dumbledore when he was stopped by a commanding female voice.

          "There is talk amongst the portraits of Rowena's Refuge."

          Snape slowly turned around; this powerful voice seemed to demand the utmost respect and honor.  He looked up to see an imposing female wizard in the canvas of a skinny little nun, the latter having vacated the premises.  Glancing around, he noticed that all of the other portraits had abandoned their canvases as well, leaving him alone with the new arrival.  This female had a strong chin and piercing sapphire-blue eyes, and her painted form shimmered with powerful magic.  Snape felt intimidated by this woman; he secretly felt that even McGonagall would be apprehensive around her.

         He stood tall in defiance. "That is true, my lady.  I am seeking this location."

          "Why?"  she said with a cold and demanding voice.  "Why seek what was hidden?  Has it not occurred to you it was concealed for a reason, Mr. Snape?" she mocked.

          He folded his arms, momentarily caught off-guard.  "How do you know my name?  We have never been introduced."

          "I know all of the people and events involving Hogwarts.  It is part of my duty."  She sniffed regally.  "You don't know who I am, do you?  Really, for a professor, you are not very literate on the history of my castle."

          "_Your castle?"_

          "Well, not completely mine.  In any case, I did my fair share in the construction and hallowing of these halls."  Her eyes danced, mocking him.

          Snape finally understood.  "You're Rowena – Rowena Ravenclaw."

          She waved a fine hand daintily at him.  "Well, now we are making progress, Mr. Snape.  You should feel honored; I don't present myself before just anybody these days."  

          Snape ignored her taunts.  "Am I correct in surmising Rowena's Refuge is your little secret?"  Her eyes sparkled in amusement.  He murmured to himself in disgust, "Must all of the Founders have their individual little secrets?"

          Rowena overheard him, and surprised him with a merry laugh.  "Of course, Mr. Snape!  We had to ensure we would remain enigmas long after we had passed from this level of existence!"

          He glared, eyes cold.  "You will not distract me from my task.  What is Rowena's Refuge and where can it be found?  It is of importance."

          She regarded him, completely serious.  "And once again I ask, why seek what was hidden?  It was named a refuge for a reason."  She sniffed high-handedly once more.  "And how did _you hear about it – it has been a secret well-kept for generations.  Even my current heirs do not know of its existence."_

          "I received the information from a certain character by the name of Friar Thomas," he said, distaste in his mouth.

          "Him?!  What does he know?  He is a fool!" she yelled, eyes blazing.  A tremor shook the hallway; Snape nervously glanced around.  She quieted, her voice no less intense.  "All he does is sleep."

          Snape cautiously ventured, "He said he overheard Alexi speak of it.  She was on the run from – well, me.  We had a . . . confrontation, and she took flight."  He repeated what Thomas had quoted.

          Rowena looked at him coldly.  "Yes, I heard about her rampant run through the castle this afternoon."  She gave a noble snort of derision.  "Most unladylike."  She turned her full attention back to Snape.  "So you are concerned Alexi may harm herself.  Worried about the impact _that would have on your piddling career – frightening a student so badly she killed herself?  Tsk, tsk."_

          Snape was becoming impatient again.  "Of course I want no harm to come to her.  I feel obliged to set things right.  Is she there, in the Refuge?"

          "What does she mean to you?"  Rowena asked simply, no emotion visible on her face.

          "What?!  What kind of question is that?"  

          She glared down at him, power flowing all around her.  Snape went quiet as she scrutinized him, her eyes seeming to pierce into his very soul.  After several minutes, she released him and spoke.

          "You cannot answer that question because you honestly do not know your feelings towards the girl," Rowena said, thoughtfully.  "But you will have an answer, in time."

          "You have a good heart."  Snape curled his lip in disgust.  Rowena continued, "Deny it all you want.  But underneath your nasty appearance and foul demeanor, I see the core is good.  It has been corrupted, abused, and beaten, but it remains nonetheless."  She locked his black eyes with her blue ones, her next words feeling as of they were being imprinted directly onto his brain.  "I do not understand why yet, but I feel I can trust you."  She considered.  "I will release to you part of my greatest secret – one of the entrances to the Refuge.  This morsel is not given lightly, and should _never be shared, not even with other faculty or people in power.  They will learn of it on my time, not on yours or theirs.  You may never speak of the Refuge's location, unless it is with me or Alexi.  And you must __never use it without the complete and voluntary consent of the current user."  She quickly scanned the corridor to verify they were alone. "I will only give these directions once.  If you forget, do not come whimpering back to me."_

          She then gave him the directions for the North Tower entrance, the same directions she had given Nearly Headless Nick.  Finally, she released him from her power, Snape almost stumbling as she let him go.  Rowena continued, "She may know of your coming, if she has activated the alarm system.  Be prepared for that."  

          He felt compelled to bow, and said, "Thank you my lady."  Turning, he started to take his leave.

          "Stop."  He turned to face her again.  "I have not bid you farewell yet," she reproached.   Snape glared at her, but she chose to ignore his sour look.  "The current headmaster is very wise.  Alexi is certainly an enigma.  How did he put it?  Oh yes . . . 'Our guest seems to have a talent for bringing up new questions before we have answers for the old.'  Most apt."  She smiled slightly, eyes dancing in amusement.  "If it is answers you seek, I suggest you look into _my_ background.  You may discover some interesting similarities."  

          He was confused.  "How could you know what Professor Dumbledore said?  There were no portraits in the room; he made sure of that."

          She slyly smiled.  "I do not need to be visible to know what is going on; I am as capable of subterfuge as you."  Snape blinked, then resumed his scowl.

          Rowena grew serious again.  "One more thing, Mr. Snape."  Her eyes coldly stared at him.  "Don't you _ever threaten that girl again – you were lucky to get away with just a few damaged scrolls and broken flasks.  I would hate to see what would happen to you if she __really lost control.  You must watch that temper, and you must _never_ move to strike her again."_

          Snape remained silent.  After a moment, Rowena slowly faded from the canvas in a blue shimmer, leaving Snape alone in the hallway.  "Bah, why must paintings be so testy?"  Hearing a cold laugh in the distance, he glanced around warily, then sneered and stalked off to the North Tower.

          As he wandered the corridors, he thought of the months since Alexi had arrived. He knew she was one of the few people he had met that appreciated the subtlety and exactness of potion-making.  He realized, even though she was a Muggle, she was akin to him – they shared the same passion.  

          Making his way up the marble staircase, he prepared himself for whatever he might find at the top.  Entering the room, he too was taken aback by the huge window wrapping around the tower.  The fire was burning brightly, and he cautiously eyed the empty canvas.  Alexi was asleep by the window, her journal; and pack lying a small distance away.  Snape moved to pick up her pack when he was distracted by disturbing noises.  Alexi was whimpering, in the midst of a nightmare.  Suddenly, she let out a bloodthirsty scream that chilled Snape and even sent the fire to flicker.  He pulled out his wand and cast a Dreamless Sleep Charm on her.  She quieted, her muscles relaxing as she finally truly slept.

          Returning to the journal, his curiosity overcame his common sense and he began to read.  Inside, she had detailed her anguish at not fitting in, her desire to learn everything, her love of potion-making, her disbelief and sadness over her family's murders, and her sorrow and pain at Snape's hatred of her.  As he finished, it finally occurred to him how much the teasing and ridicule had hurt her, for she had put on a strong face in the classroom.  He felt a slight pang of sorrow and regret, but his Occlumency training kicked in and automatically shoved back the emotions.

          Closing the book and placing it back in her pack, he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder.  He momentarily thought about using _Mobilicorpus_ on her, but decided he didn't need any of the professors seeing him mistreating a student.  Scowling, he bent down and picked her up.  Her head fell on his shoulder, completely asleep.  The firelight reflected off the tearstains on her face, and Snape again felt a small surge of emotions form in his brain.  He set his jaw, easily pushing them back behind his mental walls; no female Muggle would make him weak.  Curling his lip, he strode out of the Refuge and to Alexi's room.  

          He gave the password "horsefeathers" to the stone unicorn guarding the entrance (he had received it from Dumbledore).  The unicorn seemed to wink at him as it reared up, revealing a large circular room decorated in blues and purples.   Walking inside, he laid her on the bed and placed her pack on the floor.  Still feeling curious about Alexi's life, he looked around.  Books were everywhere, several issues of a potion-experts magazine lay on the table, and equations and ingredient lists were scattered about.  He also noticed a very thick book detailing every aspect of potion-making.  He saw that she had scribbled comments in the margins, starting with "I can't wait until Snape can show me this!!" which progressed to "I wonder if I should approach Snape about which is the best breed of goat for a bezoar", and ending on "Why does Snape hate me?  Maybe I do need to just shut up."  Remembering what Rowena had said about her background and finding answers, he headed to Dumbledore's office to report what had happened, thoughts tumbling in his head.  


	7. 7

          The following morning, Alexi didn't show at breakfast, sending a note to Dumbledore that she would be refraining from classes for the next day or two, and that she wished to eat meals in her room.  Dumbledore respected her wishes and sent Dobby with food and drink for her.  Of course, the main reason she didn't want to be there for meals was that she would have to face Snape, and she wasn't ready for that (she had no idea who brought her to her room – she assumed Dumbledore or Hagrid).   Snape sent her an owl asking her to speak with him, but she refused.  She had no interest in ever speaking with him again.  He sent several more notes, by owl and with Dobby, but she was stubborn and simply threw them in the fire.

          After two days, she decided to return to class (except Potions, of course), but still ate in her room.  That evening, Dumbledore asked her to meet him in his office after dinner.  He queried her as to how she was feeling.  She asked him if he had any information on the whereabouts of Voldemort.  He did, but could not reveal it to her.  

          "Because I'm a Muggle," she said disconsolately.  

          "No, because it is not necessary for you to know," Dumbledore weakly smiled.  He then asked her what happened between her and Snape.  Knowing she could trust him, and needing to talk to someone, she told him everything. 

           "I see," Dumbledore said.  "And what would you say to him if he were here in front of you?  Especially if I told you that he didn't know of your parents' murders until after your 'argument'?"  Alexi stared.  "Yes, he was called away, without my knowledge."  

          She mulled it over, grey eyes deep in thought.  "I would tell him I forgive him.  I see no point in wasting my time with him any longer."  

          Dumbledore's eyes sparkled.  "Good, you can tell him yourself, face-to-face."  He beckoned to the corner of the room, where Snape had been hiding.  "Come, Severus."  Alexi glared at Dumbledore.  "It seems Professor Snape has tried to contact you several times, to no avail.  I saw this as the only way that you would speak to him.  You are both dismissed."

          Snape followed Alexi out of Dumbledore's office.  Stopping halfway down the hall, she turned on him.   Accusingly, she asked, "What was so important that you wanted to speak with me?  Haven't you given me enough grief?"   

          "I thought you were going to forgive me."

          "I _was.  What do you want? _

          Snape bowed his head.  "I simply wanted to apologize for my actions the other day.  It was wrong for me to allow my students to tease you so unmercifully, even if I was unaware of the circumstances.  It will not happen again."

          "Of course it won't.  Their object of ridicule is no longer there."

          "Miss Cantata, I want you back in the class.  You show great promise as a potions master.  I can try to find a job for you, if you are really interested in the field.  Goodness knows none of my other students care one whit for proper potion making."

          Alexi looked at him, surprised.  "Okay, I don't presume to understand why you had the change of heart, but I guess I do forgive you."  Suddenly humble, she whispered, "I would love to come back to class.  Thank you."  

          The next day, she returned to Potions class, where the Slytherins sat moping.  Evidently Snape had indeed said something to them.  Draco gave her a dirty look as she took her seat.  She was in such a good mood she even shot the Malfoy brat a smile.  He simply glared in return.  After the class, Snape informed her she had a job if she wanted it – at Pestle and Kapsul, an alchemy and chemistry shop in Hogsmeade.  She was interested, but declined.  "Not outside the castle," she said adamantly.  He queried her as to why she had not ventured outside the Hogwarts grounds, and she told him she was afraid if she left, she might never see the castle again.  Snape reminded her she did it once, and that she didn't have to imagine it was there – she now KNEW it was there.  He took her for a walk outside after dinner that night, towards Hogsmeade where the shield of protective spells was narrowest.  They followed a narrow path and climbed up a large hill.  Near the summit, she felt a small jolt as she left the ring of spells, but ignored it.  Cresting the hill, Snape told her to turn and tell him what she saw.  She slowly did so and began to weep.  Snape thought she had lost the ability to see the castle, and apologized.  She shook her head and told him she was crying because the castle was so beautiful, and that she could not believe it was her new home.  This, of course, did not prevent her from being irked with Snape for tricking her.  However, she knew she now fit in and accepted the Hogsmeade job.  

          With her Muggle savings, she purchased two fine horses, a palomino mare named Solstice and a dappled gray stallion named Equinox, and used them for her transportation to Hogsmeade.  As the weeks went by, Alexi slowly began opening up to some more of the students.  However, the only instructors she felt comfortable talking to wholeheartedly were Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore, who had become close friends.  Alexi told them of her trials growing up and of always feeling like an outsider in her world.  She had also found a way of creating her special niche in the magical community, and offered riding lessons to anyone interested.  


	8. 8

One evening that October, Snape asked her to meet him in the Charms room at night.  He believed she might possess some magical ability, and wanted to test it.  He had been doing research on Rowena's background, per her suggestion, and discovered she was a Tardiomagus.  Tardiomagi were very rare wizards from Muggle backgrounds whose powers didn't develop until their mid-twenties (instead of at childhood). Most Tardiomagi only became average wizards, developing just enough power to perform basic charms and spells.  A rare few became powerful – Rowena was one of these.  Unfortunately, many Tardiomagi committed suicide at a young age, being afraid of themselves and having found nowhere to turn for answers.  Snape suspected Alexi was a Tardiomagus, possibly a powerful one, which would explain Rowena's associating with her.  

          When Alexi arrived, he handed her his wand and ordered her to make the feather he brought to fly.  She reminded him she was a mere Muggle, but he refused to let her go until she tried.  He coached her on how to use the wand and how to concentrate while saying the charm.  She tried several times to no avail.  Becoming angry, she wondered what he was playing at.  Did he get a thrill watching her flounder?  Snape reminded her that she defeated powerful charms and spells to even arrive at Hogwarts, that she caused his ink to spill and made the contents of his desk go flying.  Therefore, she could do this simple thing.  Realizing what he was saying was true, she looked deep inside herself and felt the magic residing there.  With renewed determination, the feather flew! 

          Over the weeks, Snape continued her lessons in secret, and she quickly caught on.  She was a natural, and with her studious nature, she began to catch up on her skills.  Eventually, Snape told Dumbledore about the lessons, and Dumbledore allowed Alexi to learn the other magical abilities with his blessing.  Charms became a favorite, and Alexi was soon stringing together various charms to make what she liked to call Über-Charms, complex spells that weaved many elements into one.  She took to Transfiguration the quickest, and McGonagall discovered she had the ability to become an Animagus, shortly after the Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament.  Her Animagus form was that of a bay mare with black mane and tail and white stockings.  She decided to go by the name of Symphony when in horse shape.

          Her abilities were kept hidden by the faculty – there was no reason to notify the students.  Plus, she wanted to become a spy or an informant for them.  She felt she needed to repay Voldemort for the death of her family.  Utmost secrecy would be a major component of her success if she followed that route.  Once she discovered she could perform magic, she decided to adopt a new name to honor her new life– Andaxia Moonstar.  

          On her first trip to Diagon Alley, she marveled at the numerous shops.  At Ollivanders, she received her own wand – 13 ½ inches, mahogany with an ebony handle, slightly bendy, dragon heartstring wrapped around a vampire's fang (powerful and dependable but rather temperamental).  This wand was an ancient wand, dating from the 500's, found in one of the deepest recesses of the shop.  She stocked up on robes and cloaks, and purchased several new books.  

          Snape also taught her how to fly a broomstick and the rules of Quidditch.  Plus, she made regular trips to Diagon Alley to pick up supplies for the instructors.  On one of these trips, she purchased a snowy owl, which she named Mystique, and a calico cat named Snaptail.  

          The riding lessons continued as well, the only stipulation having been the students having satisfactory grades to participate.  She was planning a large equestrian show showcasing the talents of the students.  At this time, she acquired several more horses, including another dappled gray stallion named Arpeggio, a strawberry roan mare named Aurora, a liver chestnut mare named Nebula, a piebald (black-and-white Paint) mare named Tenderfoot, a buckskin gelding named Snapdragon,  a black stallion named Eclipse, and a white stallion named Shadowfax (after Gandalf's horse in the _Lord of the Rings books).  Hagrid mapped out a safe trail through the Forbidden Forest for her, and she used it often.  _

          Of course, Draco decided to show what a great rider he was.  He announced that his father kept a herd of fine horses, and he was much better than a mere Mudblood Muggle.  Andaxia gave him the opportunity to show his skills on Solstice, who was very high-strung.  He did well, until he kicked the mare a little too hard, and she neatly deposited him on the ground.  He threatened the mare, but Andaxia interfered.  "Draco, the only way to earn her respect is to treat her well and become her partner, not her master.  She must trust you, not feel threatened by you.  It would be a great honor to secure her trust, as she is very selective.  I can show you, if you like."

          "Get away from me, you nasty Muggle!  I don't need to be taught how to ride by the likes of you!"  Draco stomped off in disgust as Andaxia shook her head.

          Over the next few days, she caught Draco trying to master Solstice, each time landing in the mud.  When no one was around, she finally confronted him.  He really felt a need to master the feisty mare, a way to prove himself.  She offered again to help, in secret, if he wished it.  Quietly, he agreed, but only if the lessons were held in complete secrecy.  No one must know he was taking instruction from a Muggle, especially his father.

          After many lessons, Draco had won the respect of Solstice, and Andaxia joined them for a celebratory trail ride on Arpeggio.  She took the route Snape had led her on a while ago, when he had taken her outside the spells and shown her the castle.  She no longer noticed when they left the spell area, but she knew exactly where it was.  As they reached the summit, they stopped and watched the sun set, the last few rays sparkling off the lake.  She revealed to Draco that he had come a long way and she was proud of him.  

          "Really?" he asked, disbelieving.  

          "Yes, truly," she answered.  With that, a tenuous friendship had begun.  


	9. 9

          In June, Andaxia was finally able to transform into and out of her Animagus shape on her own, and she spent many hours with her horses to better become one herself.  Dumbledore informed her of the Order of the Phoenix and their mission.  He had learned of her intense desire to become a spy, and felt she might finally be ready.  She was welcome to join the Order if she wished, and she jumped at the chance to avenge her family, almost hugging the headmaster in her excitement.        

          Later, Andaxia presented Snape with a supply of potion ingredients and a gold cauldron in honor of their unlikely friendship.  In turn, Snape gave her a Nimbus 2001 broomstick and a necklace that held a miniature hissing snake curled around a wand (for Snape's house, Slytherin).  With the proper charm, the snake would hiss and move, and was spelled to her and her alone.  

          Also at this time, Dumbledore informed the Order of their newest member, and requested Snape bring her to their next meeting in August.  (Secretly, she hoped she would have the chance to infiltrate the Malfoy residence, as Lucius did indeed keep a stable of fine horses.  After the Dark forces were defeated again and it was deemed safe, she planned to register her animal shape at the Ministry of Magic.  Unfortunately, she had to keep her Animagus ability from Snape and her other friends. Since no one outside the instructors and her closest friends even knew she could do any magic, she could easily pass for a Muggle).  Snape asked her to reconsider, not wanting her to join the Order on what he considered a whim.  However, she couldn't pass this chance to help the magical world, which was now her world, and she had to avenge her family.  Snape himself could hardly believe he was trying to protect what would have been called a Mudblood or a Squib – someone he would not have considered anyone important a few years ago.  How ironic that what he had once disliked would become his student, his protégé, and his friend.  

**          Andaxia was very excited to be attending her first Order meeting.  She beat Snape to the grounds by a full fifteen minutes, dancing in anticipation.  Snape strode out of the castle, broomstick in hand, more grumpy than usual and preoccupied with something.  She didn't even bother to disturb him; she was in a great mood and did not want to fight this day.  She had come prepared with a new portable CD player that was charmed to work without batteries and in a magical environment.**

          As they ascended, a warm breeze tickled her cheeks.  Smiling, she set one of her Tracking Über-Charms on her broom.  This would allow the broom to track their destination and would store it inside the broom's memory, with a predetermined password required to retrieve it.  "One of my finest achievements," she thought to herself.   She also placed a Following Charm on the broom so it would follow Snape's broom without any action from her.  Grinning at her cleverness, she loaded the CD player and watched Hogwarts fade in the distance.  She sighed in pleasure; she never tired of seeing the castle from the air.

          It was an uneventful trip.  She was grateful Snape was silent; it meant no interruptions as she listened to her music.  They reached Grimmauld Place that afternoon.  After landing, Snape showed her a note in Dumbledore's handwriting that simply said:  

                        **_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London__._**

She quickly memorized it, and then nodded to Snape, who set fire to it with his wand.  As she looked towards numbers eleven and thirteen, she concentrated on the letter and saw number twelve materialize before her.  Snape nodded, and she followed him up the steps to the front door.  With an evil glint in his eye, Snape told her to ring the doorbell.  An assortment of horrible shrieks and curses emanated from inside.  Snape grinned in satisfaction as Andaxia gave him a questioning look.  However, his grin evaporated when the door opened, replaced with an expression of total hate.  She couldn't really see who had opened the door from her position behind Snape, but it appeared the other man shared the look of loathing as he glared at him.  Minutes passed, with the horrible sounds still erupting from somewhere inside the house.  Impatient, Andaxia stamped her foot and cleared her throat.

          "Are we going inside or are we the new lawn ornaments?" she quipped.

          The other man broke the contact with Snape, and as they shifted positions, she had her first good look at him.  He had been handsome once, but something had happened to make him appear older and wearied.  As they locked eyes, she felt a shock run down her backbone and she shivered.  She shook it off, noticing he had seemed to suffer the same sensation.  Snape had also witnessed this and his eyes went cold as he retreated into his shell, a trick he performed to prevent himself from losing control.  Snape frostily made the introductions.  "Ms. Andaxia Moonstar – Sirius Black."  He spat at Sirius' name.

          Andaxia broke the contact first, eyes demure, long lashes folding slowly down as she nodded and extended her hand.  He grasped her hand with his, and another shock went through her system.  Raising her head, she felt the same thing happen to him.  He smiled warmly, and she returned it as he released her.

          "Well, welcome to my home.  It's wonderful to meet you, Ms. Moonstar."  He took her broom and directed her inside, leaving Snape to follow on his own.  

          Two other men were in the hallway, pulling a set of curtains over a large painting that was the source of the ungodly noises.  As it was covered, it went silent, leaving the house in peace again.  The men turned as they heard them approach, and Sirius motioned them into a side room.

          "May we give a welcome to our newest member?"  Sirius announced grandly.  She did not notice Snape slip into another side room as Sirius made the introductions.

          "My dear friend Remus Lupin –" the pale man bowed his head regally – "Muggle researcher extraordinaire Arthur Weasley –" the red-headed man smiled warmly – "may I introduce Ms. Andaxia Moonstar?"

          Arthur grinned wider.  "I've heard about you from Ron.  So, Dumbledore is right – we have a Tardiomagus in our midst?"  She nodded.  "Incredible.  So you have lived almost your entire life as a Muggle – we must discuss this!"  He was very excited, pumping her hand enthusiastically.

          "Another time perhaps, Arthur," Remus interjected.  "And Ms. Moonstar may appreciate it if you released her hand," he said wryly.

          "Of course, of course."  He let go, still grinning.  "Molly, my wife, is around here somewhere.  So are the twins, Ron, and Ginny.  Oh, Hermione too."

          "Great!"  she said with enthusiasm.  "And by the way, call me Andaxia.  I'm not exactly the formal type."

          They nodded as Sirius steered her back out into the hallway.  "Let's get you some lunch; you must be famished."  She admitted she was.  "Kreacher!" he called.  Andaxia was repulsed by the house-elf who appeared, involuntarily taking a step back from him.  Sirius handed him Andaxia's broom; Kreacher stared at her with a mixed look of disgust and jealousy, and then hobbled off to put the broom away.  

          Over lunch, she tried to analyze what she had felt when she had shaken hands with Sirius.  She had no experience with this kind of thing, so she filed the information away to study later and concentrated on the conversation.

          The meeting went quicker than she thought it would.  She met many of the other members, including Nymphadora Tonks and Bill Weasley, wizards close to her own age.  She also learned why Snape had seemed so grumpy; he gave a detailed presentation that evening.  That, and the fact she now knew that he and Sirius detested each other – another mystery she would have to unravel.

          Dumbledore talked with her after the meeting concluded.  They decided to only tell Remus and Sirius about her Animagus ability.  As shapeshifters themselves (she would have never guessed Remus was a werewolf), they would be able to assist her if she spent time here.

          She and Snape left immediately afterward, before dinner.  She protested, but Snape had no intentions of staying.  On the journey home, she again thought about what had happened between her and Sirius.  She felt extremely giddy, but the giddiness suddenly changed to guilt as she looked at Snape.  For the first time, she realized she had been in love with Snape since he had reached out to her and taken control of her magical training.  She passed the rest of the flight in silence, very conflicted.


	10. 10

          The months passed quickly, and a new year began.  Unknown to Andaxia, Snape had started teaching Harry Potter the basics of Occlumency, a skill she had attempted and given up on.  The day after classes resumed following the Christmas break, Andaxia suddenly felt constricted by the castle and went on a broomstick ride around the grounds.  The cold wind felt good to her; hovering the broom, she closed her eyes and spread out her arms, feeling alive and well once again – this ritual always calmed her.  Suddenly she was startled by a puff of smoke and a loud bang near her.  Opening her eyes, she looked for the source, and saw Snape glaring at her from below.  He signaled her down; rolling her eyes, she descended.  Unbeknownst to her, he was in an even fouler mood than usual – he was still disturbed by Harry's having accessed his memories during their lesson the previous evening.

          "What can I do for you, o charming one?" she joked.

          "Where's my potion?  You had said it would be ready this morning, and I have yet to see it," he demanded.

          She rebuked him.  "No, I said it would be ready this _afternoon, not this morning.  What's the big deal?"_

          "Humph," he snorted.  "You _did_ say morning, not afternoon.  Of course, I shouldn't expect _you_ to remember a detail like that," he insulted.

          "Now, just wait!" she exclaimed.  "What is wrong with you – you're usually not this abrasive until _after_ lunch.  I don't feel like dealing with your bad manner."  She planned to return to the skies, then queried, "What happened?  There has to be a reason for your attitude with me this morning."

          Snape said nothing, instead offering her a sneer.

          His refusal to offer any information only succeeded in irritating her.  "Why won't you talk to me?  You should know that any secret told to me is forever safe.  Why won't you trust me?"  She suddenly stopped, understanding.  She changed her approach.  "What has happened to you that you feel you cannot trust anyone?"

          He snarled, "It is none of your business – I did not call you down to berate me!"

          Furious, she responded.  "You need to deal with whatever is tearing you up, Severus!  Emotions are important – you can't hide behind your Occlumency skills forever.  Occlumency is a mere tool, not a solution.  If you don't learn to deal with your past and whatever emotional baggage that is associated with that, it _will destroy you!  As a friend, I cannot let that happen!"_

          "Leave me alone!  You know nothing about me!"  He turned to leave.

          "Severus, don't turn away from me!"  Now she had become extremely angry.  "How am I supposed to know anything about you if you won't _tell _me?"

          Snape scowled and turned to leave again.

          "You're afraid," she said matter-of-factly.  "You can't control emotions like you can control the outcome of a potion, and that terrifies you.  I could understand that, but you won't even make the attempt, or let someone help you."  She closed in for the kill and muttered, "You're a coward."

          He whirled around and glared menacingly.  "You know nothing, Mudblood!"

          At that instant, Andaxia's look of irritation, triumph, and anger was replaced with one of shock, dismay, and intense hatred.  Marching up to him, she slapped him hard across the cheek, stunning him into silence.

          "Don't _ever call me that vile name again," she spit, eyes revealing the hurt she felt.  She called her broom up and mounted it.  With coldness in her voice, she uttered, "You had better learn to talk to someone soon.  I won't be around forever."  She rapidly ascended, fighting back the tears so Snape couldn't see them._

          He watched her rise, realizing what he had done; a repeat of the Lily incident.  Preparing to call her back down, he was distracted by a group of students leaving the castle.  Not wanting to show any kind of weakness in front of them, he instead chose to curl his lip and marched inside.

          After escaping Snape, Andaxia circled above the Forbidden Forest.  Finding a good spot far away from any prying eyes, she hovered the broom and had a good cry – the Mudblood comment had really hurt her.  What hurt her even more was the look of pure hatred she had seen etched on his face.  Annoyed at herself, she quickly got herself together and flew back toward the castle, ensuring Snape had left the grounds and would not see her return.

          She angled towards her window, yelling "It vexes me," the password.  The window sprang open, allowing her to fly through, the shelves and knickknacks underneath moving out of her way until she had safely landed inside.  As her items returned to their places, she stowed the broom and thought for a minute.  Reaching a decision, she set her jaw and grabbed quill, ink, and parchment.

_Professor Dumbledore – _

_          I wanted to inform you I will be away from Hogwarts for an indefinite amount of time.  A change of scenery is required – I am becoming restless.  If you need to reach me, I will be staying at known location.   ("I truly__ hate that nasty Umbridge; writing in code is _not_ my style," she growled to herself)  __Mystique will be able to find me.  I am leaving this evening and am notifying Professor McGonagall of the situation as well.  Do not worry – I will continue my studies._

_                   Andaxia_

          She whistled for Mystique, her loyal snowy owl, one of the few currently living at Hogwarts.  While waiting, she busied herself with writing a quick note to Pestle and Kapsul letting them know of her absence, and preparing her broom for the journey ahead; she polished the handle, trimmed the twigs, and checked it over thoroughly for scratches and dents.  Satisfied, she returned it to its place against the wall and put away the servicing kit.  A loud hoot attracted her attention as Mystique landed gracefully on the bed.  Andaxia quickly attached the letters to Mystique's outstretched leg.

          "Please give this to Dumbledore – I know you can find him. The smaller note is for Mr. Kapsul.   I also need you to return with one of the school owls – a fast one."  Mystique hooted in assent and flew out the window.

          While she was gone, Andaxia finished Snape's promised potion and bottled it.  To the bottle, she attached a note that merely said "Here is your potion."  She then wrote a letter to McGonagall, similar to the one she had just composed for Dumbledore, and then started her letter to Remus.

           _Dearest Remus – _

_          I hate to impose on you but it is a necessity.  I need you to contact our mutual friend – I require an immediate change of scenery.  Therefore, I am heading to our known location, taking up our friend's offer.  I should arrive sometime early this morning.  Please notify this person so they may prepare for my arrival.  I apologize for any inconveniences I may cause.  I _will _make it up to you.  Take care of yourself and remain safe._

_                   Hugs,_

_                   Andaxia_

          By the time she had finished, Mystique and the school owl had arrived.  She put Remus' letter on the other owl – a tawny – and told him where to find Remus.  He took off with a rush of feathers and a stony expression.  Attaching McGonagall's letter to her owl, she gently stroked Mystique's head.  "I'll need you one more time after you drop this off to McGonagall, then you're free for the rest of the day."  Mystique glared at her, nipping her fingers.  "Hey, be nice!  It means extra owl treats."  Mystique ruffled her feathers, clearly annoyed at having to deliver so many letters in a short period of time, and departed.

          Andaxia smiled in amusement as she wrapped the potion in a cloth and dug out the owl treats.  Mystique landed on the desk, tapping her feet in annoyance.  "Yes, yes, here are your treats," she said.  While Mystique enjoyed her snack, Andaxia secured the potion. "I'll be at Grimmauld Place – leave all post at Remus', okay?"  The owl gave her a friendly peck to show she understood.  "This goes to Snape, and why don't you give him a bite while you're at it?" she said, only half-joking.  Mystique gave her an evil wink and flew away.

          The next hour was filled with tidying the room, changing into travel clothes, and packing.  Finally, she was ready.  She dashed off a quick note to Hagrid asking him to watch over her animals, and closed her room down.  Mounting her broom, she stated "It vexes me" to open the window, and flew out into the late afternoon sky, dropping off Hagrid's note on the way.  She was finally free of Snape's insidious remark as the wind rustled her hair and she turned her broom south.

          Dawn was just breaking over the horizon when she arrived in front of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.  She knocked softly on the door, hoping to not wake Mrs. Black.  Almost nodding off in exhaustion, she was surprised by the sound of the door opening so quickly.  A worried but jubilant Sirius was standing there to greet her.

          "Andaxia!  Great of you to come!  Remus just arrived himself . . ." he trailed off, noticing her silence and distraught, haggard appearance.  "Oh no, what has happened?"

          She entered the house, broomstick dragging behind her.  "Nothing really – just needed a vacation," she mumbled.

          Remus appeared from a side room. Unbelieving, he said, "Really.  I cannot fathom any vacation that would call away our friend from her duties so suddenly.  How are you _really doing, Andaxia?"_

          "I can't fool you two, can I?" she sighed.  "Let's just say an argument went a little too personal."

          "Who was it?" stormed Sirius.

          "Personal?" queried Remus, gripping her shoulder.

          "Oh you two – what would I do without you?"  Suddenly, she broke down and began to sob.  Sirius gripped her in a bear hug, while Remus continued to squeeze her shoulder.  After several minutes, she calmed down, the stress and tension oozing out of her system.  "Thank you, I needed that."  She wiped her eyes, the weariness of the previous day finally catching up to her.

          "Now, who was it that got you so upset?"  Sirius demanded.

         She rebuked him.   "I don't think I should divulge his name; I would still like to think of him as my friend."

          "Merlin's beard, why?"  Sirius was dumbfounded.

          "He has assisted me in the past, and I would not be where I am if not for him."

          "Some friend, to make you this upset," Sirius complained.

          Remus calmly said, "If she doesn't want to elaborate, don't push her, Sirius."

          Andaxia smiled at Remus in thanks.  "I don't think he really meant to call me that – at least I hope not.  I would hate to think . ." she yawned, very sleepy, ". . . that he calls people 'Mudblood' often."  She didn't even realize what she had said until Sirius exploded.

          "What?!" he yelled.  "Someone called you that!  Who was it?  Who called you by that vile term?!  Wait, I can guess – Snivellus!"  Irate, he headed for the door.  "I'm going to bash in his greasy head for good this time!"

          "Stop it!"  she yelled, as she and Remus grabbed Sirius and dragged him away from the door.  "You will do no such thing – now calm down and act like you've got some sense!"

          "Do as she says, Sirius.  Listen to her – she's the one with the authority to make these decisions considering they concern her," Remus offered.

          "Please, Sirius.  You don't need to endanger your life for him."  she pleaded.  "Anyway, you need to be a proper host for your guests," she joked. 

          Calming down, Sirius relented.  "If you insist – though I will not forget this."  He sagged, worn out.  "Well, I do appreciate your coming – it has been pretty lonely around here lately."

          "I thank _you for the invitation.  I'd hate to think what my mental state would be without this refuge to escape to.  By the way, how are you two holding up?"_

          "As good as can be expected, under the circumstances," Remus answered, grinning in mild amusement as Andaxia tried to stifle another yawn.  "Though we have lots of time to tell you tomorrow.  Why don't you get some shut-eye?"

          "That sounds like a good idea," she murmured, already half-asleep.  They walked her upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms, and tucked her in.  "Thank you again for letting me come . . .  I really appreciate it . ..." she babbled.  Remus and Sirius shared a smile and departed; Andaxia was asleep before they left the room. 


	11. 11

          Sirius was a great friend, and her time at Grimmauld Place went quickly.  Spring arrived before she knew what had happened.  As March ended, London was blessed with a break in the weather – a beautiful day dawned, clear and warm.  

           That evening, Andaxia found herself sitting on the front stoop, gazing up at the stars.  The moon was bright, three days from reaching full.  She was protected by one of her own Über-Charms – she would receive warning if anyone from outside attempted to approach her, Muggle or wizard.  But for all appearances, she was not at peace.  Confusion tore at her; the time had come to reach a decision.

           "Beautiful evening."  Andaxia was startled by Remus' voice.  Visiting for a few days, he had just joined her in sitting on the stoop.  She muttered under her breath, reminding herself to add a provision in her charm to warn her of those arriving from _inside_ Grimmauld Place.**  In spite of the surprise, though, she was pleased to see Remus.**

**           "Yes it is.  Nice night for pondering great mysteries of the human heart," she replied.**

           "My, you are poetic tonight.  Care to share what is bothering you?"

           She darted the question.  "How is the Wolfsbane Potion working?"

           "As well as ever."  He grinned mischievously.  "You won't dismiss me that easily."

           She shrugged.  "Well, it was worth a shot."  She smiled thoughtfully.  "Actually, I am glad to see you – I _do need to talk to someone.  Care for a walk?"  She gestured toward the street._

           "As you wish."  He rose and followed her.  They walked for several blocks in silence, enjoying the warm air and the sound of the crickets.  Finally, Remus queried, "So, what's on your mind?"

           "Hmm, what's the best way to start?"  she pondered.  "Oh hell – Remus, you promise not to make fun of me?"

          "Of course I . . ."

          "I'll slap you hard if you do," she quickly added.

           He appeared shocked at the very notion.  "Of course I won't – you should know that!"

           She grabbed his hand.  "Dear Remus, I _do know – I'm sorry, I'm very scatterbrained right now."  She looked around for a moment, and then plunged in.  "Okay, here goes . . ." Taking a deep breath, she began.  "I'm in love with two men, and the time has come for me to choose.  I cannot keep pursuing them both – it is too draining for me and unfair to them.  Herein lies my conundrum; I've no idea which to choose."  Remus started to interrupt, but she held her hand up towards him.  "No, please, I need to get this out."  He fell silent again, nodding in understanding._

           She sighed, and then continued.  "On the one hand, I have a man that is difficult to deal with, but one I have been attracted to for over two years, despite all my reservations.  We share many of the same interests, talents, and passions.  However, I know that he is a wounded man, and has trouble with his emotions.  But in spite of this, I feel he could be my soulmate . . ." her voice trailed off.

           "And the other?" Remus prompted.

           "Yes, sorry.  The other is Sirius, as you have probably already guessed.  With him, I had an instant connection.  The bad part to him is his rashness – he is quick in everything he does – quick to anger, quick to judge, quick to change his mind.  That would be a difficult thing for me to become accustomed."  Exasperated, she moaned, "Oh, I just don't know what to do!"  She looked at Remus in despair.

          Remus thought for a moment.  "You say you feel this first man is to be your soulmate?"  Andaxia nodded.  "What is his name?"

          "That I will not reveal.  I know you would favor Sirius – he is your friend of course, and the name of the other . . . well, I do not think that is important.  That is _my little secret," she smiled devilishly._

          "I understand."  They walked on in silence for a while, both of them thinking.  Finally, Remus stopped her.  "I think the best advice I can give you is to look deep inside your heart.  Yes, the other may be your soulmate, but what if _he_ never figures that out?  I would hate to see you spend your youth chasing someone who may never reciprocate your feelings.  I agree that Sirius can be troublesome at times," he smiled ruefully, "but I know personally that he cares deeply for you."

          Andaxia rubbed her chin, her face inscrutable.  "Whatever decision I make, I will follow it with no regrets and no reconsidering.  This decision will be final, and I will make it with a clear conscience."

          Remus grinned.  "Just like you – forge ahead and never look back."

          Andaxia returned the smile.  "Thank you, I really needed to talk about this.  You're a great friend, Remus."  She hugged him affectionately.  "Let's head back before we're missed."

***************************************************************************************

          She was very quiet the next day, keeping herself hidden in her room as she thought about her choice.  She reflected on what Remus had said, and what she felt for each man.  Finally, she made her decision.  Smiling determinedly, she joined the others for dinner.

          Sirius beamed when he saw her and motioned her to sit beside him.  She silently shook her head and mouthed "Later."  He nodded in confusion as she joined Remus at the table.  Tonks and Bill were also over this evening, discussing how things were going in the Ministry of Magic.  Andaxia listened thoughtfully, wondering when she would be allowed to play a more active role for the Order.  She felt like a racehorse being held at the gate, champing at the bit.

          Bill left shortly after dinner, with errands to run.  Tonks asked Andaxia about the situation at Hogwarts.  Andaxia hadn't really noticed anything, but reminded her that she had been away from the school for a while.

          "You really want to help out more, don't you?" Tonks said candidly.

          Andaxia stiffened.  "Am I that transparent?"

          Tonks yawned.  "Nope, but it was pretty obvious at dinner by how your eyes glazed over in longing when Bill and I talked about our 'noble exploits'."  She smiled.  "You'll get your chance, don't worry."  She yawned again.  "I really must get going."

          "As must I," stated Remus as he met Andaxia's face with a knowing look.  She gave him a slight smile and a curt nod.  As they departed, she headed for the main parlor, taking a seat on the sofa and gazing into the fire.

          She heard Sirius' footsteps as he gracefully walked into the room, coming to a stop behind her.  His warm, rough hands embraced the nape of her neck, sliding down to massage her shoulders.  She felt the tension melt away under his gentle touch.  After several minutes, she returned to her senses and pulled away, shifting her body to face him.

          "What's wrong, Daxy?" he asked, using his favorite nickname for her.

          "Sit down; I have something I need to discuss with you."

          "Sure!"  He backed up, and then sprung over the sofa, landing with a big smile, lopsided grin on his face.  She almost laughed as he sat looking at her like a lovable lost puppy.  He grabbed her hand and began covering it in kisses.  "Yes, what can I do for you, my queen, my lady, my princess," he said with exaggerated flair.  Annoyed, she jerked her hand away, crying, "This is important!  Can't you be serious?"

          He looked at her, all trace of humor having disappeared.  Deadpan, he said, "I _am_ Sirius."  She couldn't help it – she lost all of her control in a burst of laughter.  He resumed the lopsided grin and stared at her patiently.

          Regaining her composure, she inhaled and looked him in the eye.  As she put her thoughts in order, all signs of merriment vanished from her features.  Sirius, seeing the change, turned solemn** as well, eyes intense.**

          "Sirius, I have something very important to discuss with you.  I have given this a lot of deep thought, and I need this time to explain my decision."  He nodded silently. She went straight to the point.  "Remus tells me you have feelings for me – that you care for me – and that these feelings run deeper than those of a mere friend."  He turned his head away, a faint blush shading his cheeks upon hearing this spoken aloud.  "Don't be ashamed.  I feel the same way about you.  I think I have since the day we first met."  He turned back to her, searching her face and finding she spoke the truth.  He moved to hold her hand again, but she pulled it away.  "Please Sirius, let me finish."  He let his hand drop on his lap.  "There is another, however, that I share these feelings with.  I believe I love this other man too."  He slumped, dejected.  Andaxia looked down, and continued.  "I have been weighing this decision for some time, and now I have made my choice.  I have known that whomever I chose would receive all of my love, and I would have no regrets.  I believe I will be truly happy with this man."

          Sirius rose, his face sad.  "Why tell me this?" he said bitterly.  "Why?"

          She also rose.  In a commanding voice, she said, "No, Sirius, you misunderstand."  He locked eyes with her again.  "I have chosen _you.  I love _you_, Sirius."_

          Shocked, he collapsed back onto the sofa.  Grinning, she sat beside him and grabbed his hand.  "What did you just say?" he asked, bewildered.

          "I love you, Sirius," she repeated, still grinning.

          "You chose _me?" he clarified.  She nodded, eyes sparkling.  He finally overcame his surprise and returned her smile.  "My beautiful Daxy," he said, running his hand through her hair.  "I love you so much.  You have brought so much light into my life – into this cold dark life."_

          "Oh, Sirius."  She allowed him to embrace her, melting against his warm body.  "You think _I am a light?  You have been one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.  You are beautiful both inside and out, with a loyal and giving heart.  And most importantly, you make me laugh, which I know is not an easy feat."  She offered him a slight smile.  "I thank __you for falling in love with me."  She stroked his haggard, thin face.  "We need to get you filled out; you are too thin," she teased._

          He moved his hand to her face, mimicking her actions.  He traced a finger down her cheek and back up to her lips.  "But you are just right."  He bent toward her, eyes closing.  She hesitated for just a second, thought to herself "No regrets", and surrendered, leaning forward to meet him.  A shock went down her spine as they kissed.  She broke away.

          "Did you feel that?" she whispered.

          "Oh yeah," he grinned.  "I say we repeat the experience," he said mischievously.

          "And I agree."

          As they embraced a second time, she realized this was the _real_ magic, not charms, spells, and incantations.  The fact that two people from completely different backgrounds could be so compatible and feel the same way about each other was indeed a special gift.

          As Sirius lay her down on the sofa, he gently removed her clothes as she removed his.  "Are you scared?" he asked.

          "Yes, a little," she admitted.  "But I'm with you – that's all I need to overcome that fear."

          He kissed her nose.  "My sweet Daxy."  As their bodies meshed into one, she realized she was the happiest she had ever been.

          She awoke the next morning to the sound of Kreacher muttering under his breath.  "My Mistress would hate seeing her abominable son cavorting with Muggle sluts.  Oh, she would be so angry."

          "Go away Kreacher," Sirius ordered, entering the room.  "Why don't you clean something for a change?"

          'Oh, Master makes mean jokes at Kreacher's expense," he mumbled.

          "Please go away," Andaxia said.  Kreacher gave her a nasty look, and then bowed.  "Yes, Kreacher will go, for my Master's lady."  He shuffled out of the room, mumbling obscenities.

          "Wake up, my sunshine.  We have a busy day ahead of us," Sirius cajoled.  

          "Ugh, yeah," she groaned.  "The meeting is today," she remembered.

          "That's right, Daxy.  The shower is already set for you."

          She tried to blink the sleepers out of her eyes, still groggy.  "Um, yeah, shower . . ." she yawned.  ". . . wake me up."

          Sirius tweaked her nose, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and left the room.  She stared at the wall, slowly coming to awareness.  Remembering what had occurred last night, she grinned.  She had made the right choice; she knew it in her heart.

          After her shower, she joined Sirius in the dining room, where he had prepared a large breakfast.  She raised an eyebrow.  "We are expecting guests anytime," he said in answer to her unspoken question.  As if on cue, there was a gentle knock on the door.  She went to answer it, welcoming a sleepy Tonks, a jovial** Molly, and Remus, who smiled upon seeing the gleam in her eyes.  She lightly punched him on the shoulder as they headed to breakfast.**

          People dropped by throughout the day.  Sirius and Molly worked in the kitchen, preparing lunch while she, Remus, and Tonks set up the meeting room.  The day passed swiftly.  Shacklebolt, Mundungus, and Dedalus came together, followed by a grim McGonagall.  Andaxia greeted everyone warmly, in a great mood.  As the time for the meeting approached, she and Sirius took their seats.  Remus sat on her other side, and she again punched him in the shoulder when he gave her another knowing look.

          Sirius started telling her lame jokes as the rest of the Order filed in.  She nodded to Dumbledore as he entered, then turned back to Sirius as he gave the punch line.  She laughed merrily and glanced back at the doorway just as Snape entered.  He stopped where he was, staring at her.  Her smile slowly faded as she also stared.  She hadn't seen him since their argument over the potion, and she hadn't realized how much she had missed him.  Snape's face was inscrutable as he glanced at her seating companions.  She searched his face, trying to decipher any emotion.  On the periphery of her vision, she was aware of people beginning to stare, and she looked down, breaking the connection.  When she had lifted her head a moment later, Snape had taken his seat somewhere in the back of the room.

          "What's wrong, Andaxia?  You're pale," asked Remus.

          "It _was Snape who had you upset when you got here – I __knew it," Sirius ranted.  He began to rise, but was stopped by Andaxia's hand on his knee.  _

          "No," she ordered.  "You will remain seated and not embarrass me."  He noted her aggravated face and immediately sat down.  "Thank you," she said.   To herself, she mumbled, "Stupid, stupid.  Of course he would be here."

          The meeting went smoothly.  Shacklebolt had good news from the Ministry, and McGonagall reported the happenings at Hogwarts.  Dumbledore mentioned Dumbledore's Army, and Andaxia saw the pride on Sirius' face when he heard about his godson's exploits.  When Snape presented his report, she kept her head bowed, not ready to look him in the eye again.

          The meeting adjourned, and she headed for the door, wanting to escape as quickly as possible.  However, her way was blocked by several wizards holding a discussion right in front of the exit.  From the corner of her eye, she saw Snape making his way toward her.  "Here we go," she breathed.

          "Andaxia, may I see you in private for a moment?" asked Dumbledore, who had come up behind her. 

          "Certainly, Professor," she said, careful to not show the relief she felt at the timely interruption.  As Dumbledore directed her towards a small closet, she noticed Snape had stopped in place, looking upset.  However, she forgot all about Snape when Dumbledore told her his information.

          "How are you doing, Andaxia?" he asked.  "Frankly, your letter worried me some."

          She gave him a broad smile.  "I am the best I have ever been, sir!"  He looked at her over his half-moon glasses and gave her a slight smile as he saw she told the truth.  Back to business, she asked, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

          "I have a special job for you," he said without preamble.  "One of our contacts has learned of a Death Eater meeting place, about fifty miles north of here and near the Malfoy Manor.  It is in a rural area, pastures and light woods.  There is a herd of wild horses that roam throughout the area."  She could see where this was headed.

          "You need me to spy on this area.  As a horse Animagus, I would blend in with the wild horses easily."

          He smiled, "No one can accuse you of not being quick.  Yes, that is exactly what I need you to do.  You will report to me, and I will present your information at the meetings, to keep your Animagus ability secret."

          She was elated – she was finally going to be taking an active role in the Order!  She almost hugged Dumbledore in her excitement, but settled for a hearty handshake.  "Thank you so much for this chance, Professor.  I will do my best and prove that I am capable of your trust."

          He smiled, a twinkle in his eyes.  "You have already proven yourself.  You would not have this opportunity if I did not already trust you implicitly.  Congratulations, our newest spy."  He smiled again, and then left.

          She remained in the closet for a moment, digesting what Dumbledore had told her.  Could things possibly get any better?  A huge grin on her face, she bounded out to find Sirius, not even realizing Snape had already left.


	12. 12

Andaxia performed her spywork in earnest, glad to finally be actively assisting.  This would be a challenge, and she relished that.  After discussions with Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore, they had decided the best plan of action was for her to walk to a nearby alley half a block away and Apparate to an abandoned barn fifteen miles south of the meeting place.  She could then transform inside the barn and approach the site from there.  The trip home would simply follow this procedure in reverse.

**          Instead of following the plan, though, Andaxia tended to Apparate home several blocks from Grimmauld Place.  She liked to think about what she had seen and heard, and she thought better when she walked.  Therefore, a longer walk meant more time to think and to put her thoughts in order.**

          After several weeks, there had been little to report.  She had quickly befriended the local horses, who were eager to help.  They did not like it when the "Bad-Feeling Ones" were nearby, and they wanted them gone and the land left in peace.**   They provided her with all the information they gathered from their travels, but she itched to do more.**

          Andaxia was lounging on the sofa, enjoying another lazy June night.  She was in the middle of one of her favorite books – A Tale of Two Cities – when Sirius interrupted her.

          "So, Remus tells me you have not been following your part of our plan."

          "Excuse me?" she said, affronted.

          "You are supposed to be Apparating in Naro Alley, not three blocks away from there!  You are putting yourself at unnecessary risk – I should not have to remind you this is not the safest neighborhood.  The Muggles who live here are wary and potentially violent.  I want you to obey the original agreement."

          Annoyed, she said, "Don't tell me what to do.  I am careful."  He joined her on the sofa.  She put the book down and rubbed his shoulder.  "I know how to defend myself – the Muggles do not frighten me.  And how did Remus know?"

          "He has witnessed you Apparating in Stickwauld Place several times on his sojourns around town," Sirius explained.  

          Andaxia rolled her eyes.  "Even the spy gets spied upon," she muttered.

          "If anything should happen to you . . ." Sirius trailed off.

          "Oh, Sirius!"  She hugged him with great affection.  "I would not do it if I thought I couldn't handle anything that may happen.  But please understand, I need the time to _think_, to plan, to ponder, away from this place."  He remained glum.  "Okay, how about a compromise?"  She smiled encouragingly.  "If I get myself into a situation, I will signal for help immediately, instead of dealing with it myself."  A look of distaste crossed her face; she hated asking for help.  "And I will cut the walk down by a block – a two-block walk instead of three.  Would that put your mind at ease?"  He remained quiet.   She chewed her lip, waiting for his response.

          His shoulders sagged in resignation.  "I guess that is acceptable – probably the best offer I will get from _you_, at any rate."  His eyes were sad, but full of understanding.  "You are too stubborn for your own good."

          She curled up beside him, leaning her head against his chest as he wrapped his arm around her.  "My sweet Daxy," he murmured.  

          She snorted.  "_Sweet_?  You have the wrong witch then"

          He laughed.  Growing sleepy in his warm arms, she suddenly sat upright.  "Promise me something, Sirius."  She locked her eyes onto his.  "If I _do signal for help, do not come.  Send someone else.  I would never stop feeling guilty if something happened to you on account of me."_

          "Andaxia . . ." he groaned.

          She put her finger to his lips, very intent.  "Promise me."

          They stared at each other for several minutes, two strong wills fighting for dominance.  It was Sirius who backed down, eyes breaking the contact.  "I promise."

          "Thank you," she whispered.  "That is the best gift you could ever give me."  She brushed a lock of hair away from his face, tracing it down to his chin, which she lifted with a steady hand, forcing him to look directly at her again.  "Thank you," she repeated.  

          Sirius managed a smile and leaned into her, pressing his lips against hers.  She returned the kiss, all worries gone for the present.

***************************************************************************************

          The next day dawned with clear skies and a light wind.  Apparating into the abandoned barn, she quickly transformed into her horse shape.  As she exited, she stopped in the doorway and inhaled the sweet June air.  Closing her eyes, she felt the breeze stir her mane and tail, and heard the buzz of insects performing their daily tasks.  Swiveling her ears, she scanned for the herd of wild horses, finally locating them near the field.  Taking another deep breath, she opened her eyes and trotted out into the sunshine.

          As she approached the herd, she noticed they were very edgy.  The lead mare and the herd stallion cantered to her as soon as she entered their line of sight.  

          "The Bad-Feeling Ones are here; they have been here all morning," the mare, Blue Sky, whinnied.  She was visibly nervous, eyes wide and darting, her nostrils flared.

          The stallion, Tall Grass, murmured, "We have stood ground and watched them, but since you have arrived, we must seek safer pasture."

          "I understand.  What have they been up to?"

         Tall Grass snorted.   "They talk and talk.  There are three of the Bad-Feeling Ones, and a strange one we have decided to call the Very Bad One.  It is because of him we are afraid to go any closer."

          Blue Sky danced in a circle.  "Be careful, Symphony, they are planning something.  A pivot point in time is approaching – it is nearing the time for great and terrible events."

          Andaxia nodded.  She had learned to listen to them; as animals, they were much closer to nature than humans – they could sense the more primitive aspects of life.

          "Thank you both.  I will be cautious.  Now please take your herd away – you have all done good work."

          Blue Sky and Tall Grass nuzzled her in friendship, then silently called to the herd to move out.  Walking quietly so as not to alert the Bad-Feeling Ones they were all leaving save one, they acknowledged Andaxia as they passed.  Like ghosts, they disappeared into the mists and she was alone.

          Steeling herself, she turned and headed in the opposite direction, toward the field.  Upon reaching it, she noticed a group of four humans in black robes, standing in a small circle and discussing a plot of some kind.  This location was not very far from the Malfoy Manor, so she was not surprised to see the tall man with the long blonde hair and ever-present smirk – Draco's father, Lucius Malfoy.  She also noticed a thin woman that probably used to be beautiful when young, but was no longer.  She had black hair and a manic gleam in her eyes.  Andaxia sorted through her information, trying to remember which one she was – aha!  This was Bellatrix Lestrange, a relative of Sirius'.  Andaxia's gaze slid to the third person, whom she immediately recognized.  Angrily, she glared at this fat, cowardly, sniveling man who was the reason her family was dead – Peter Pettigrew.  Without thinking, she snorted loudly in hate.

          At the sound, the fourth man, whom she couldn't see before because his back was toward her, turned.  Red eyes met her dark grey ones, locking them with a powerful gaze.  Her heart went cold as she recognized the face she had seen in her nightmares for years – Voldemort.  The other three had stopped talking and were watching the encounter.

          "What a brave little horsie we have here," Voldemort sneered.  "What could you possibly be thinking of, intruding on a group of humans?"  Berating herself for her carelessness, she braced herself.  "_Legilimens!"  Voldemort uttered.  _

          She felt a stream of raw power enter her mind, searching for answers.  She replied in kind, giving him only visions of running with the herd, green grass, rolling in the mud, and swatting flies.  His power pressed in on her – she stamped a hoof in pain.  "Why are you here?" she mentally screamed back at him.  "Why have the birds flown away?  This is good pasture and I wish to graze here," she rambled in her head.  Finally, after what seemed an eternity, she felt him leave.

          Lucius was eyeing her greedily.  "So what did our little friend have to say?"

          Voldemort sneered coldly.  "She wishes to stay and eat.  Evidently, this is some of the finest grass around, and we have intruded."

          The others laughed, a sound that made her heart shiver.  "What a fine addition she would make to my collection," Lucius considered.

          Voldemort turned away, ignoring her.  "We are not here to round up horses for your estate – do that on your own time."

          "Yes, Dark Lord," he said, chastised.  They returned to their discussion as Andaxia took a deep breath and stamped her hoof.  They continued to ignore her.  Relaxing, she thanked every god and goddess out there for the Occlumency training Snape had insisted she have.  At the thought of Snape, she felt a pang in her heart, but she shoved it away.  She could not afford such thoughts, especially here.

          Carefully picking her way around the perimeter of the field, she found a good spot downwind, where she could follow their conversation.  Fortunately, Voldemort and the others seemed to have forgotten that horses had a much better sense of hearing than humans and that she could still decipher their plans from even this distance.  Bending her head down to graze, she pricked her ears and listened.

          "Can't we just put a Summoning Charm on it?" whimpered Pettigrew.

          Voldemort glared at him.  "How many times must things be said before you remember them?  The orbs do not respond to Summoning Charms.  The only way to retrieve them is for the named one to physically pick it up.  Which is why Harry Potter must be in the Department of Mysteries that night."

          Andaxia stopped chewing.  The Department of Mysteries?  What would be so important in there?  Flicking her tail, she grasped another bite.

          "But, Master, how will we get the baby Potter there?" Bella whined.

          Lucius understood first.  "We trick him.  We make him think someone he loves is being tortured in there, and we give him the choice – he _will play the noble hero once again and come."_

          "Yes, he will come – we will use his beloved godfather against him.  Harry _will come to save Sirius," he said coldly._

          Andaxia's muscles twitched as she shivered as the others murmured in agreement.  This could not be happening.

          "We will discuss this again tonight, in location number thirty-four.  We must not linger for long in any one place – not with the noble Order of the Phoenix out looking for us."

          All four laughed in amusement, a horrible sound that chilled the very air.  Voldemort made a sign, and the other three Disapparated, leaving him alone.  He shot her another mind-probe but she shielded her mind again with visions of birds and streams.  He looked upward, proud of his plan, grinning frostily, then he Disapparated as well, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

          Putting the pieces together, she realized that Sirius was in danger!  She wanted to gallop as fast as she could and return to him immediately, but she had to remain in character – it was possible one of the Death Eaters was still nearby.  After grazing for another hour, she snorted and majestically walked into the trees.  She met the herd nearby; they confirmed the Bad-Feeling Ones were gone.  Tall Grass saw she was upset, but she fended off his concern.  "I need to get back.  Something is very wrong here.  I may not be around for a while, so I wanted to thank you now for all you've done."

          Blue Sky nibbled her back in affection.  "We appreciate the chance to help in restoring peace to our world.  Have a safe journey home, Symphony."

          Andaxia whinnied a farewell and galloped off, running as fast as she could to the barn.  After transforming back into human shape, she thought for a moment.  She knew she had promised Sirius she would Apparate closer to Grimmauld Place, but she needed the extra distance today to get her thoughts in order.  How could she possibly tell Sirius this horrible news?  Deciding, she Disapparated and reappeared on Stickwauld Place, her old Apparating location.  She would keep her promise in the future, but she needed to break it today.

          She set out for Sirius' house, trying to interpret what she had heard.  So they were going to use Sirius as a way of getting to Harry, but why?  What was in the Department of Mysteries that was important enough for them to risk getting caught?  Voldemort had said the person whose name was on the orb ("_what_ orb?" she asked herself) was the only one who could touch it – no, not touch – "physically pick up."  Did these mean the same in this context or not?  What was the significance of those particular Death Eaters being there, and not others?

          Completely engaged in these thoughts, she did not notice a gang of young men surround her until the leader stopped her at knifepoint.

          "Now, what's a pretty little thing like you doing in our dirty little neighborhood?" he jeered, eying her lustfully.  

          She surveyed the gang – there were eight of them, all holding knives, several licking their lips in anticipation.  She sighed impatiently.  "Please let me pass.  I do not have this time to waste."

          They laughed.  "Pretty little thing talks big, doesn't she?"  The leader spit in her face.  "I think we should remind her how small she really is . . . "  A greedy murmur ran through the gang as they closed in.  More annoyed than frightened, she whipped out her wand.

          "I mean it, let me pass!  I don't want to have to Stun you, but I will if you don't let me through!"  she called, her voice hard.

          The ruffians looked at each other and laughed again.  "Oh, trying to frighten us with a stick, huh?" one snickered.

          "Maybe I should just run home to Mommy now!" shouted another.

          "I mean it!" she cried, circling around, preparing to cast a Stunning Spell.

          "Get the bitch!" cried the leader.

          "_Stupe_ . . ."  She gasped in pain as the ninth man hidden on the balcony behind her embedded his knife between her shoulder blades.  Screaming in pain and outrage, she tried again.  "_Stupe . . ."  The leader smacked her hard across the face with one calloused hand and wrenched her wand away with the other, breaking her wrist.  Now unarmed, she became frightened for the first time.  Why hadn't she kept to the compromise?  If she had, she would have Apparated half a block away from these brutes._

          Stumbling as she tried to get away, she felt them kick, punch, and beat her.  They dragged her into a boarded-up store, where four of them held her down as the others tore off her clothing.  "Noooooo!"  She screamed in terror, but her scream was cut short by a dirty rag being shoved into her mouth.  She shut her eyes tight, aware of the knife wound in her back still bleeding.  She felt the leader's rough hand stroke her cheek.  "Pretty little thing, so wild.  You must be tamed."  The ones holding her tightened their grips as he mounted her.

          All through the afternoon, they raped her.  She lost track of how many times she was violated.  The knife wound had stopped bleeding, but she had lost enough blood to make her very weak and nauseous.  Finally, they were finished with her.  

          "Let's go," the leader barked.  "She's done for."  She vaguely heard the others leave, sniggering and hooting in glee.

          She opened her eyes.  The leader stood over her, grinning.  "Not so feisty now, are we?"  He bent over her.  "I don't like seeing pretty little things showing up in our neighborhood.  They are just _asking_ for trouble," he whispered.  "Now I have to make sure you are never seen around here again."  He pulled out his knife, the same manic gleam in his eye that Bellatrix had worn.  He removed the gag from her mouth.  "Scream for me, sweetie."

          Andaxia weakly lifted a hand in defense, but he smacked it away.  She did scream as he suddenly thrust the knife into her stomach.  The agony was intense.  He withdrew the knife and rose, kicking her hard in the side as he turned to go, a crack rendering the air as several ribs broke under his boot.  She could feel the life ebbing out of her as she whimpered.  The leader's footsteps echoed as he walked away.  Then he stopped and turned back.

          "Oh, and here's your precious little stick," he sneered, tossing it to her.  It bounced across the floor, rolling toward her hand.  With the last of her strength, she seized it, and called, "_Avian Alertus!_"   A large blue and silver eagle, her personal alarm, erupted from her wand, screeching as it flew out the door and up into the air.  The leader stared at her, terrified, as she leveled the wand at him.  He ran, cursing, out into the street.  

          Her hand collapsed back onto the floor, still grasped tightly around her wand.  Her last thought was that Sirius was going to be furious with her.  She _was_ too stubborn for her own good.  Gasping as she tried to hang on to life, everything went black.

          She was unconscious when Remus and Arthur found her lying in a pool of blood, barely alive.  They immediately ascertained what had happened.  They stopped the worst of the bleeding and wrapped her in their robes, then performed a Group Apparate to the front of Number Twelve.  Carrying her inside, they were met by a frantic Sirius, who was being held back by an exhausted Molly and Bill.  Wrenching away from them, he followed Andaxia upstairs.

          They took her to one of the guest bedrooms and laid her on the bed.  Molly and Bill immediately brought up hot water, towels, and what medicines were on hand, and then Bill left to send an emergency owl to Dumbledore.

          Finally, Sirius made his way over to her and cried out in dismay; she was barely recognizable under all the wounds.  She was pale and barely breathing, covered in blood, dirt and sweat.  Bruises, cuts, and scrapes covered her entire body, and she had several broken bones, in addition to the two knife wounds.  Molly shooed the men out so she could wash her and patch her wounds.  Andaxia had slipped into a deep coma, but Molly talked to her anyway as she worked, caring for her as if she was another of her children.  Gently prying the wand from Andaxia's clenched fist, she headed downstairs, leaving the door open for the others to re-enter.  Remus and Arthur tried to comfort Sirius through their own shock, but he was oblivious to them.  They left him in silence.

          Sirius wept openly, running a gentle hand down her bruised and battered face, listening as she struggled to breathe through a damaged windpipe and a broken nose.  He stayed with her for several hours, stroking her cheek, hair, and hands.  "Oh, my Daxy," he murmured.  "Come back to me."

          Later that evening, Dumbledore arrived.  He immediately headed up to Andaxia's room, where Sirius had maintained his vigil at her side.  He quickly performed a Scanning Charm to gauge the extent of her injuries, and his face momentarily blanched as he digested what he learned; she was hurt much worse than he had thought.  He approached Sirius and gripped him by the shoulder as he gazed upon her face, silent and still as death.

          "Professor, shouldn't we move her to St. Mungo's?"  Sirius said quietly.

          "No, she must remain here."

          Sirius growled.  "But she needs expert help . . . "

          "Sirius, she cannot be sent to St. Mungo's.  To do so would be to reveal her to the magical community at large.  She would never forgive me if she lost her advantage of posing as a conventional Muggle.  She will survive, and I have brought with me some of Madam Pomfrey's own potions and spells.  She will be in good hands here, where she has your support and love."

          "She will get better?" Sirius questioned.

          "Yes, I believe so.  She has a strong will – she will make herself pull through.  I think she would be eternally furious if she slept through the end of the threat of Voldemort, and we were celebrating without her."  Dumbledore smiled warmly.

         Sirius returned the grin.  He could just see Andaxia screaming an unbroken line of bad words upon learning of that.

          "Get some sleep, Sirius.  Molly will watch over her for awhile."  He squeezed Sirius' shoulder again, then removed his hand.  Sirius started to argue, but Dumbledore interjected.  "You will do her no good if you're exhausted.  You need to keep up your strength for her."

          Sirius gave in, knowing that Dumbledore spoke the truth.  He rose, stroking Andaxia's cold cheek, and then headed for the door.  "It's a shame we can't find out what she discovered this morning.  The only thing that would have made her break a promise to me was if she really thought it was for the best."

          Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, confused.

          "She promised me last night that she would Apparate closer to here than she has been.  It must have been important news indeed to make her need that extra distance and time to think."

          "We may still retrieve that information from her." 

          Sirius looked worried.  He looked Dumbledore in the eye, furious.  "She should be at St. Mungo's."  As he strode past, he muttered, "I just hope we don't receive her information too late."


	13. 13

Andaxia awoke suddenly.  Where was she?  She warily glanced around her surroundings, quickly recognizing the room as one of the guest bedrooms at Number Twelve.  Looking out the window, she noticed it was dark outside and the stars were shining.  She tried to sit up, but her body screamed in protest.  She remembered her assault by the Muggles, but everything before then was gone.

          "Sirius?" she ventured.

          "Calm down, now," a warm, but tired, voice comforted her.  Andaxia hadn't even known Molly was in the room until she appeared from behind her.

          "Molly, where's Sirius?"  Again, she tried to sit up, emitting a gasp of pain as her wounds complained.  Fighting a wave of nausea, she succeeded in her efforts, to the dismay of Molly. 

          "Now, you really should be lying down – I don't want those to start bleeding again." 

          "Please don't patronize me," she said stubbornly.  "I want to speak with Sirius!"

          Molly sighed.  "Very well."  She stabbed a finger toward her emphatically.  "You remain in bed, young lady."

          As she left, Andaxia looked around again, uneasy.  She shivered in disgust as she recalled what those men had done to her.  She _needed _Sirius right now to comfort her.  However, something didn't feel right – where _was_ Sirius?  Why wasn't he here, fussing over her?  Why wouldn't Molly look her in the eye?  She listened carefully.  She could hear the murmur of voices coming up from downstairs, the wind whistling through the trees outside, the bubbling of a potion in the cauldron in the corner.  The house was too quiet.  She tried to tell herself that Sirius was probably in the kitchen, waiting for news on her recovery, but something in her heart told her he was not there.

          Finally, she heard footsteps approaching her room.  Closing her eyes, she wished with all her will that it be Sirius.  She heard the door open and someone walk in.  Slowly, she opened her eyes.  Dumbledore stood there, sad eyes betraying his cautious smile.  Her heart fell – Dumbledore's presence in place of Sirius could only mean one thing.

          She steeled herself and asked, straightforward, "Professor, what brings you here?  Where is Sirius?  Do not lie to me – I must have the truth."

          He looked her in the eye and nodded.  "Yes, the truth.  You have earned the right to that, at least."  He walked forward and sat next to her on the bed.  He seemed much older than he had the last time they had talked.

          "Sirius is gone, isn't he?"  she ventured, lips quivering, fighting to keep her emotions in check.

          A tear glistened in Dumbledore's eye.  "Yes, he fell in the Department of Mysteries last night."  At the mention of the Department of Mysteries, a chord struck in her mind, but then it was gone as swiftly as it was born.  Dumbledore reached out a hand and placed it on her knee.  "He is gone – I am terribly sorry.  He felt he had to leave – Harry's life was threatened."  

          She started to weep.  "Please, go away.  I need to be alone."

          "Andaxia, we are here for you . . . "

          She interrupted him.  "Just go!"  she said angrily.

          He nodded and rose, giving her knee a tender squeeze.  As soon as the door closed behind him, she lost all control and broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

***************************************************************************************

          A week passed.  Physically recovered from her attack, she was sitting on the steps of Number Twelve.  It was another beautiful night, a repeat of the evening a few months ago when she had talked to Remus about her choice.  That seemed like a lifetime ago.  She stared off into the distance, oblivious to everything, depressed.  A tear occasionally slid down her cheek, following in the tracks of the ones that had preceded it.  She was completely quiet, thinking hard.

          She had been angry with everyone after she had received the news from Dumbledore, feeling they should have done more to prevent Sirius from going to the Ministry.  She had barricaded herself in her room, only venturing out for food after everyone else had already eaten.  On the fourth day after she had awoken, Dumbledore and Remus, over her objections, had come to talk to her.  From them, she learned of the specifics of why Sirius had left the safety of Number Twelve.  A wave of pride had gone through her, despite her best intentions of remaining angry.  Sirius had done what he thought he must – it had been hard enough for him not to come running to Andaxia's rescue – he definitely would not stay behind a second time when someone he loved was in danger.

          She also learned her injuries should not have kept her unconscious for as long as they did, considering the magical cures for them.  Dumbledore had suspected Kreacher of betraying Sirius, and had "interrogated" him, learning the truth.  He had also discovered that Kreacher had recovered that accursed music box, and was using it against her.  He had hidden it with elf magic, and kept it playing so she would remain asleep and weak.  Mrs. Black had detested Andaxia, calling her the "nasty Muggle whore" and other terms of endearment, therefore Kreacher hated her as well.  He knew she was probably the only person who could have kept Sirius at home, and he would not have her destroying the plot. 

          Remembering this, she grew angry again and slammed her fist on the stone, wincing as pain shot through her knuckles.  "Damn it," she growled.  Massaging her bruised hand, she heard footsteps behind her.

          "A word of advice," a gentle voice said.

          "What, Remus?" she snarled, not bothering to turn around.  She wanted to remain alone.

          "You might hurt yourself if you punch a piece of solid stone with your bare hand," he said lightheartedly.  She grinned in spite of herself, but the smile dissolved as she saddened again.  "It's about time I saw your smile – I had forgotten what it looked like."  Without waiting for an invitation, he sat down beside her.  "How are you doing _really_, Andaxia?"

          "I miss him," she said.  "And I wish I had been there to stop him."

          "Now you know that wasn't your fault – Kreacher kept you asleep."

          "Yes, but if I hadn't gotten myself tangled with those Muggle brutes, none of this would have happened.  Why do I have to be so stubborn, that I can't even follow my own good advice?  If I had only held to the compromise – a compromise _I_ created – he would still be alive.  But for some goddamn reason I broke that promise."  She punched her leg in frustration, another tear falling down her cheek.

          "Andaxia, I have learned you never do anything unless it is for a very good reason.  You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.  Sirius, if you remember, was just as stubborn and independent as you – he broke his promise to you to remain in the house – but he had his reasons, just as you did."  He reached out his hand and gently turned her face to his.  "You need to let the guilt go."

          "I can't!" she screamed.  "I need him here!  I don't care if I'm being selfish!  I need him to call me a stupid little girl for forgetting how dangerous Muggles can be!  I need him to make me feel clean again after those awful men touched me!  I need him to tell me that everything will be okay!  I need him . . . " she quieted, choking back tears.  "I feel so alone, and it's my fault I _don't_ have him with me now.  I am so alone."  She finally let all the anger, sorrow, and despair out in a flood of tears.  Remus put a comforting hand on her shoulder as she wept.

          As her tears ran out, Remus squeezed her shoulder.  "Andaxia, you are not alone in this.  Your friends are with you."  He moved his hand to her chin and again turned her face to his.  "You are _not alone," he repeated.  She looked deep into his eyes and finally understood.  She grabbed his hand._

          "I have been so stupid.  He was your friend too; a friend you have had much longer than I.  Instead of supporting each other, I have made you take care of me like a spoiled child.  I am so sorry, Remus."

          "You needed to grieve," he said simply.  "You have suffered two major shocks to your mind and body.  No one should ever have to experience an attack as vicious as the one you endured."

          She winced as that knowledge came back to her, but she shoved it deep inside.  "Thank you, Remus."  She gave him a pat on the back.  "You are such a good friend.  Thank you for always being there for me when I need to talk."

          They sat quietly on the stoop for awhile, listening to the crickets.  Andaxia broke the silence:  "Who was it?"

          "Hmm?" Remus murmured, caught off-guard.

          "Who was responsible for Sirius falling behind the veil?  I need to know."

          "What does it matter?" he said uncomfortably.  

          She was resolute.  "Tell me, Remus.  As a friend, share with me what others won't.  Who was it?"  Remus averted his eyes.  "Tell me!" she said adamantly. 

          It came out as a mere whisper.  "Bellatrix – it was Bellatrix Lestrange."

          "Bellatrix . . . " she pondered.  She had seen her before, but where?  Then suddenly, like she had been hit by a powerful curse, a shock tore through her body, and she remembered everything – her talk with the wild horses, the confrontation with Voldemort, the plot, and her escape afterwards.  "Oh no," she sputtered, sitting upright, shock and horror showing on her face, eyes blank.  "Oh my God."

          "Andaxia?" Remus asked warily.

          "I knew.  I goddamn _knew_," she whispered.

          "Andaxia, what's wrong?  Snap out of it," he said, becoming worried.

          "I heard them.  I knew what was going to happen."  She began to shiver uncontrollably.

          "Andaxia!"  Remus forcefully grabbed her by the shoulders.  "Tell me – you're frightening me!"

          Her eyes widened, making her look like a terrified kitten.  "That's why I broke my promise – I needed the extra distance to think.  I heard them – I heard the plot – I _knew the plot."_

          "Them?" Remus asked.

          Her face remained blank as she rambled.  "Bellatrix was there – I saw her.  Lucius Malfoy too, and . . . and . . . and Peter Pettigrew."  Remus tensed at Peter's name.  "And Voldemort too – he used Legilimency on me, but I fended him off – he thought I was a mere horse.  They were plotting – I knew they were going after Sirius to get to Harry.  There was something in the Department of Mysteries – an orb of some kind – and they needed Harry to touch it, and for that they needed Sirius to trick Harry into going.  I had this information, and I blew it – I could have stopped this from ever happening . . ." her voice died.  "But I failed him, I failed everyone."  Her face slowly changed to one of anger.  "It will _not_ happen again!" she said, furious.  Without warning, she rose and ran back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

          Remus remained sitting, trying to digest what he had just learned.

          The following day, Andaxia joined Remus, Moody, and Tonks for breakfast, the first time she hadn't eaten alone since she had awakened.  They were all relieved to see her; she was in a good mood and seemed to have finally coped with Sirius' death.

          Their discussion that morning was lively, and it almost felt like things were back to normal.  Unknown to the others though, she was putting on an act; she had reflected all night and had come to the realization she had to leave.  The least she could do before going that evening was to spend some quality time with her friends.

          After eating, she played a quick game of Wizard Chess with Moody before he headed out (she was an abysmal chess player, but still enjoyed playing).  Tonks updated her on the new information the Order had collected, and Andaxia chimed in with what she had remembered the previous evening, presenting it objectively and making sure she revealed no emotion.  After their discussion, Arthur stopped in for a few moments.  Andaxia gave him her portable CD player, which he had been fascinated with for months.  He thanked her profusely and departed with a smile on his face.

          The rest of the day was filled with conversations with Remus.  Just before dinner, she retreated to her room, under the presumption of taking a nap.  Once upstairs, she closed and sealed the door, then prepared to work the Über-Charm she had created last night.  This spell was designed for the snake necklace that Snape had given her, and which she wore every day.  The necklace naturally disappeared when she was in animal form, but reappeared in human form.  This charm would continue to keep the necklace hidden in her human form if she was captured, but if she was rescued and unable to communicate, it would reappear once she was in safe hands so it could be used for identification.  Another part of the spell allowed the necklace to be handled by others, but if someone ever tried to remove it, her body would violently react and the necklace would disappear for a short period of time.  This way it could not be removed from her body until she was aware enough to perform the counter-charm.  As she finished the spell, the necklace glowed with a faint bluish-green light, and then vanished.  Smiling ruefully, she headed downstairs to dinner.

          Lying awake in bed, Andaxia listened for the chime of the downstairs clock.  Finally, it announced the arrival of midnight; she quietly stood up and changed into her regular clothes.  She made sure her room was organized, and her letter was clearly visible on the desk.  Glancing in the mirror, she rubbed her neck where the snake necklace still lay, although invisible to sight and touch.  Looking around one more time, she blinked back tears.  This had been her home for several months, and it would be hard to leave, but she must.  It was too draining to stay, and she had work to do.

          When she had made her decision of choosing Sirius over Snape, it had been the hardest decision in her life.  She had agonized over it, and she had never looked back.  Now Fate had chosen to intervene, taking away her choice, and she could not cope with what that meant.  Plus, Sirius' death had to be avenged, in addition to her family's - Voldemort and his nefarious Death Eaters would pay for their crimes; she would not fail her friends again.

          Putting a Quieting Charm on the stairs to prevent them from squeaking, she left her room.  Stepping lightly, she descended to the lower level, stopping occasionally to listen for any sound of movement besides her own.  Reaching the front door, she gazed at the interior for a final time and sighed wistfully.  "I am _not_ running away," she told herself.  "I _will return here."  Shivering suddenly, she set her jaw and opened the door, a blast of warm wind sneaking through the crack.  Blowing a good-bye kiss towards the stairs, she slipped outside, gently closing the door behind her.  The street was deserted, not even the sound of a single cricket disturbed the night air.  Breathing deeply, she headed to Naro Alley and the next step of her plan.  Apparating in the abandoned barn, she set her Awareness Über-Charm and lay down in one of the stalls to sleep through the night._


	14. 14

She awakened to the sound of birds calling.  Stretching, she retrieved the bread and fruit she had packed and breakfasted.  Afterwards, she pulled out her maps and sketches, setting in her mind the location of the Malfoy Manor.  Once she was satisfied she knew where to find it, she bundled all of her belongings, including her wand, and hid them under one of the floorboards in the tack room.  She also included a note telling where to send her things if they were discovered or if she was killed or captured.  Finally, she took a deep breath and transformed.

          She blinked as she left the darkness of the barn, a soft wind stirring her mane.  She closed her eyes and swiveled her ears until she located the sound of the herd.  Snorting, she opened her eyes and reared, ready to fulfill her duty.  The wind was no match for her as she galloped toward her equine friends.

***************************************************************************************

          Remus rushed downstairs, his eyes wide.

          "What is it?" Arthur asked.

          "She's gone!" Remus said in shock.  "She seemed all right yesterday."  He handed Arthur Andaxia's letter.  Tonks, Shacklebolt, and Bill crowded around as he read:

_My friends,_

_                   By now you have discovered my absence.  I am sorry I did not tell you I was leaving, but I know you would have stopped me.  It _was _my fault I wasn't there to stop Sirius, whatever you may say, and therefore it is because of me he is gone.  This makes the second time I was not there to protect a loved one and I will not allow it to happen again.  It falls upon me to do my job as a spy correctly._

_                   I have joined the wild horse herd that roams the woods and meadows surrounding the Malfoy Manor and the Death Eater meeting ground I used to watch.  Please do not come after me – to do so would put both myself and my "rescuers" at risk.  I am planning on infiltrating the Malfoys; Lucius showed an interest in me when I appeared before them the day I was attacked.  Doing so will give me an unprecedented way of gathering important information for our cause._

_                             Please watch over each other.  I will contact you again when I learn something.  You have been such terrific friends and it has been an honor to know you._

_                   In love and friendship,_

_                   Andaxia_

          The group was silent as Arthur folded the letter.  "So she has become a rogue," Shacklebolt noted.  "May she remain safe."

          "I am contacting Dumbledore," Arthur simply said.  "Are you okay?" he asked Remus, who still looked stricken.  Remus slowly nodded.  Without further word, Arthur strode out, Bill following.

          "Sirius, wherever you are, please watch over our friend," Remus murmured.  Looking upwards, he whispered, "Andaxia, I pray you really know what you're getting into.  Stay safe."


End file.
